Life is going by at a fast pace, with the many titles that I hold I pray that I can be and want to be more structured and organized so that I don’t have to tuggle through what I have created to be chaotic. If I can say what helps; life become easier is this 365 planner ( I suggest you get it and grab some stickers as well). Life is not always an easy flow and I get that! I have accepted that the fairy tale world is only going to be in the movies that I create and produce. So I have created my own formula to go with and learn as I have to add to the equation of my success.
Fear (I can’t stand this word)and failure (removing from my vocabulary) from what I have startedhas played a factor that has held me back from fully enjoying life. I don’t want to take away from the amazing boyfriend and a supportive group of friends and family but there were times even with them when I would find myself not fully myself.
I’m at a point in my life where I don’t want to feel like when something goes wrong I panic and everything going wrong. I want to fully experience and enjoy my life. So I’ve started my to heal past traumas, love myself more, grow outside of my comfort zone and evolve into my best self. Although it’s been a short period of time it’s been sweet and during this beginning stage of my journey, three main key lessons for me to help myself grow, heal and evolve.
Become more aware of you! I have become more aware of the root to my decisions, thoughts and effort to unlearn what has become an unhealthy routine and/or habit. I have made the conscious effort to do things differently, but trust I have not mastered this skill yet. One thing that I want to do for myself is both be aware of myself but also how I show up in the world. Initially you want to shed away from old habits, be clear and ask yourself why I do the things that I do? Mirror Monday (apart of Mental Me Mon’Daze) –look at yourself in the mirror, write a list of what unhealthy habit you need to get rid of and replace with a positive habit you can practice.
I was told “It seems you are straddling the fence. You have some things in your past that effect your now and you take it out on others and they are unaware of what initially has happened for you to get to this point”
It’s so easy to keep doing things that you are used to and the way you’ve always have done them because you know the end result. When you continue to press the repeat button on your life you are not giving yourself the opportunity to be open for growth. Let go! PRESS PLAY. Again replace your old habit with a new habit. A breath of fresh air, new surroundings (also re-evaluating your surrounding) and allowing yourself freedom from being holding on to what no longer serves a purpose can contribute to you LETTING GO.
Love + Believe in yourself
Above all else love yourself for who you are AND KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Believe who you are and really express yourself through your passion, unique talents and gifts. I hated being told “It’s different with you” but I understand I am special and I can admit but others have seen it before me. When beginning my podcast (Rabbits Whole, available on iTunes and SoundCloud)I I see that my unique perspective, what I discuss and what my opinion is all defined by all of my own experiences that I own. The platform that I serve I know when I drop a blog or episode it is important and adds value to my platform and those who are listening. Believe in yourself, no one and nothing can stop you from reaching your goals. Let your light continue to get brighter and brighter, love yourself with everything in you and never stop believing in you. YOU BETTER WAKE UP!
During our childhood because we are so caught up in our world we think we know it all. When I was growing up, my Dad was and still is a man of few words. His silence spoke! When we did have conversations I would take some of what he said but not apply all; going in one ear and out the other. During my upbringing and with a Dad like mine I didn’t realize it would come back to me until I faced the real world and when I entered motherhood.
My father wanted to prepare me for everything he knew that would come my way and even for the unexpected; because in baby girl world I’d be flying through the sky in the latest car and unicorns would be roaming the streets of New York beautifully.
I remember experiencing my first heartbreak (note: wasn't nobody son lol) my father announced his move to Lil Rock, Arkansas. I cried so hard, had a few brat fits and tantrums while my brother was sitting on the steps outside our house. I remember before he pulled off him saying “I’ll be back but I want you to remember what I taught you”.
My conversations and silence with Papa Bear was unfiltered, raw and honest.
Here are lessons I learned from My Father:
Always be honest. I remember getting a whooping by my father when we resided on Clifford Avenue. It was about something so small and at the time I thought he was petty, but he wanted me to know a small lie turns into bigger lies because you have to keep it going.
Lesson learned: Value of Honesty
The importance of silence. Alright so me admitting this is going to make a lot of people giggle. I used to be the one to argue someone down wanting to get my point across.
My father would always say “Why are you giving so much attention to what is irrelevant? They’re looking for a reaction. You’re giving exactly what they want”.
When I go placed with my father I see his interaction with certain people and no words are spoken. He told me “most don’t need to hear with words. I honor those for their position and move accordingly”
Lesson Learned: Shut up and move accordingly
Put God #1 in everything that you do. As a youngin’, going to church was like another class for me that was not offered in the school system. I memorized all the books of the bible, took notes, graduated from catechism and followed the adults lead when told to recite verses that were a part of the lessons being preached.
Being the Ministers daughter isn’t easy. In fact some decisions I have made people find my father to be held responsible as if he made the decision (silly judgmental people) or they run back to tell on me (like he doesn’t already know what’s going on).
My father is my bestest friend and I hold him high but God is who I hold higher.
It is until my late 20s I started prioritizing life and my relationship with God to understand and act on my understanding. My father teachings of the word formed a foundation that served as my stepping stones
Lesson Learned: Pay attention during your childhood days. Build your own relationship and understandings
Love others; it is a blessing to you! The power that my father has giving me is loving those as much and as often as I can. Growing up I wondered why my father was always filled with so much joy even knowing that life had plenty of bumps and could be stressful at times. He always keep and keeps a smile on his face. I realized no matter what the circumstances he didn’t love anyone any less but he did learn from the experience.
I realized growing up, me and my brother made mistakes, made decisions and they weren’t always the best but my father loved us endlessly. The way a father loves you changes you! The power of love transforms in so many different ways- a positive impact and blessings on others. I realized I want to be the moods my father made a choice to be- happy and joyful.
There are many situations I have faced in my adolescent and adulthood that I have loved no less but have fulfilled my season and learned from the experience.
Lesson Learned: There is love my father has that I don’t agree many deserve or deserved (from my perspective and just being overprotective, ha!) but I understand loving others and the blessing it can have on you and there life as well.
With hard work you move forward. When I jump on my father’s couch to have a conversation I always laugh and start talking because when looking at him he’s waiting for another plan of action. I know he’s listening but he’s letting me say everything so he can say “well what are you going to do baby girl”. My father taught me that whatever it is that we choose in life, we had to pursue our dreams and work hard for it. I think part of the reason why he’s always silent and has no protest to me taking breaks during my plan is because he knows I work hard at getting things done and he knows my dream so he just lets me talk his ear off. It’s probably taking all of my father strength he has to let his baby girl travel this world by herself and being comfortable with the field pf interest I have entered.
Lesson Learned: Work hard. As much work as you put in you progress and move closer to your success. Breaks are needed BUT DO NOT QUIT!
If I could I would be a mermaid for the remainder of life. Carefree, coming to the shore when I feel like it, but living under the sea sounds pretty dope. I can face adulthood when I’m ready and up to it. I’m in the home stretch where I want to continue to be babied but be grown at the same time. Finding an unbalanced balance if you know what I mean lol. Growing up has its annoying perks and while doing so we start thinking what’s next, asking more questions, getting out to experience more and adjusting to continuously grow. That comfort zone is one scary place to keep creeping back to. What we can’t and won’t ignore is growing means CHANGE.
What we go through we grow through and learn one season doesn’t last forever. We will not remain the same forever. Agreed?
So many people have come to me and said “Rebekah you’ve changed”. I would pray that they see for the better and see the better version of me compared to what they seen five or ten years ago (save that for another blog)? In life we go through periods, seasons, and glorious, uncomfortable times. Whatever we go through we should be taking the lesson and seeing how it has shaped us into the person we are today. And many lessons believe it or not we will revisit until we get it right and can move on to what’s next. But yup I can say I have changed and grown.
We all come from different backgrounds; we interpret, learn, and perceive not the same as one another. We also have different love languages intertwined (I’m still reading the book by the way). There is not one person you can tell me is right about everything or knows everything. We all can LEARN and CHANGE according to how we adapt to where we are in life during the present time.
**Disclaimer: To learn and change you have to be open. Open to travel, open to meeting and interacting with healthy people outside your norm, open to listen, open to observe. My biggest learning ability is reading. A good read opens the mindset in another realm.
If you’re going to take anything from this blog please know that we all are still learning, still growing, and still changing. Don’t ever feel by the looks of what’s going on with someone else you are to rush. You put your vision in jeopardy watering assumption (don’t let this go over your head). Comparison is your enemy that doesn’t belong in your lane. Your time is coming.
At what age do they say we’re supposed to have life figured out? Somewhere when playing the telephonic game with string and paper cup someone communicated that we have to have life figured out by our 30s. And growing up I know were told finish high school, graduate college and a job will be waiting for us. Waiting for whom? And where? To some that has happened, congratulations! But to most of us after receiving our degree we are on the search for a job that tells us we need to have years of experience like we didn’t get experience sitting in classrooms, being tested on our knowledge, oh and don’t forget the required internship. In my eyes I am qualified! They better take these transcripts and that’s 4 years’ experience right there. In 93’ when Boy Meets World ABC show aired we grew with them til the 2000s and they went to high school, college and was living in what we were told would happen. Reality I’m 2 months into my 30s, I’m on my last knot to untie in trying to find a positon in what I’m most passionate
“Stay from timid. Only make moves when your hearts in it. And live the phrase skys the limit” – Biggie Smalls
Hunty, African Americans are dominating in these 9-5’s, being the face of many jobs that we were denied in the past. We’re also moving from the traditional 9-5 to entrepreneurial careers. According to the U.S. Black Chamber of Commerce, “African-American businesses have grown at an exponential rate in the 21st century.”(2018 Entrepreneurial Media, Inc). We’re creating our own careers, setting our own salary and hours. We are coming through with BIG THINGS POPPIN. Nothing is getting in our way of dreams coming true. Remember 55+ years ago at one point men were going to work to support their wives and children. Not taking from the male masculinity but women aren’t sitting around. The world, time has changed and the workforce that we walk into, we have changed the way we think of being our success. We have taking full control and power.
Nothing wrong with a mind week realization and fuel getting closer to the weekend….
1. Listen Quietly & Let GoI came to a complete “shut down” moment and re-evaluated EVERYTHING. For about a month my mood: I can’t go, I will not go and I don’t need to go.It should be essential to plan and spend time with yourself. I made a tough decision to let go of the relation “ships” I cared a lot about and was blind to see the intentions. I mean eventually when I realized that intentions were different I felt some type of way (who wouldn’t). Going into relationships my intentions when building with another is to do nothing more but pour my inspiration, positivity, and vibes into each connections cup. When you start to realize patterns they pretty much speak for themselves and sporadic communication tells you all that you need to know.
Often (I am guilty of what I am about to say) we interrupt someone during conversation to defend what is perceived. My quiet is my observation.
So when reevaluating and before removing yourself àlisten more than you speak and soak it in
A different perspective: Don’t think of the relation “ship” ending; you removing yourself is not a loss but a chance to take accountability of your part and learning to look at this as not happening in another future relationship. Every experience is a win and a challenge for you to flip it into a WIN. Try something new“ZOOM OUT” and stop always thinking something is wrong but see it as it will pan out smoothly and you’ll realize the reason and benefit of letting go.
2. Unfollow and Focus
Social Media is trending in all areas including building a business, radio personnel, blogging, lifestyle and living your best life. If you’re scrolling and you begin to compare your life to another’s QUICKLY UNFOLLOW. I believe there is a “social media” syndrome: when you attack your self-esteem with negativity based off where you see others. People miss that what’s displayed is what the account holder wants to distribute out into the universe. We are not seeing the day to day mishaps or struggles to get to the post created (in other words the process). Even if it’s your friend that you have to unfollow the conversation should be had and hopefully the both of you understand.
Don’t get me wrong I say follow those who motivate and inspire you to do better and live a better life …
In so many instances I feel people want to fast forward to the successful stage and not appreciate the process as it strengthens and guides you to through each step. The process is so critical and luxurious to appreciate your own journey rather than scrolling hitting a like to the unknown behind scenes action. If you find yourself scrolling and feel that you see yourself falling into your “like” being an act of lust, jealousy and or envy UNFOLLOW and focus.
3. Make small adjustments, SLOW DOWN for starters!
Sometimes we cause our own stress when we are thinking where we want to be rather than where we are right now. Best advice is to SLOW DOWN before you cause self-destruct. Stressing your position is a sign that you need to re-focus. When starting and working on your business, project or just trying out something new; the end result will not always be SUCCESSFUL. When you fail, it’s not the ticket to give up. Go back, SLOW DOWN, and analyze yourself and what you can do different. Educate yourself on how to “approach” differently and turn it into a way to go after your SUCCESS with a different plan.
Throughout the week let your ideas flow; write them all down, make a straight line through when crossing out so if needed you can rewrite it if it fits another area of your process. Going back to number one “ZOOM OUT”, make smaller adjustments while thinking about the Big Picture. Small adjustments change your outlook, puts you in a better mind space and you focus on where you are and what you need to do to get to where you want to be.
Key pointers I found helpful:
Happy Mental Me Mon’Daze. Praying that you had a blessed + productive day.
Let’s get back on track.
I actually started this blog last week but didn’t know what direction I wanted to go. But this Monday I decided the hell man I can’t start my week off the way I have during July. This isn’t me.
Monday’s happens to be my favorite day of the week. I know you look at it as “ugh time for work, or it’s just the most “hated”. Me, I enjoy the “fresh start”.
This Monday it so happened to be like the past few Mondays; a different feeling. I smacked my teeth like “okay let’s get it together”. For one, I was comfortable in bed; I ignored my 630am alarm, I was cuddled up with body warmth, scoped like Mufasa did Simba and was on cloud nine floating. I didn’t want to get up. I dragged myself out of bed but I was deep in my thoughts. As of lately I’ve been slacking on my morning routine, and my support system always tells me “life happens, you’ll get back into the swings of things”.
This month has been a phase I’ve been going through around the realms of “where to begin” and “never day never”. Things have just been a go with the flow of the day.
So how did you get through this Monday?
Getting ready for work I realized my agenda was not filled out for the week, my To Do list was on my desk blank and my bags wasn’t packed. BUMMER. How important is getting your routine back? To me, if I don’t have routine then things will be less productive as I want and need them to be. So, to get my push to start and energy I put my phone down from checking emails, texts, and scrolling through missed phone calls. I went to my Apple Podcast app and tuned into one of my favorite podcast “Elevation Church” with Steven Furtick.
Listening to an episode of Elevation Church and it being Monday put so much into perspective for me. It helped me clear my mind so I have space to think of where to start to organize my week.
When I go to work here’s what I did for this Mental Me Mon’Daze:
I felt so productive today with getting back into the swing of managing my “Mental Me Mon’Daze” and not letting it control me. I had the time to write things down to go back and look and not lose my train of thought. I was in a good head space and provided positive energy towards getting through the day. The 8 hours I was at work I felt relieved to have some “Me” time to get back on track. I know this is going to be a good week and as I begin to be consistent with my routine more and more will fall into place.
I'm ready to Take Tuesday Over xoxoxoxoxoxo
Have you ever just wanted to skip the process of getting to where you know its where you want to be? Turning 3 0 in the BIG APPLE I was like you know what when I return home I’m packing up; I’m relocating and about to make all this ish happen ASAP. Every day I woke up in my Airbnb (which was beyond amazing) like “I’m about to just attend these events, network and be poppin, they’ll read my work and be booking me in no time.” I felt I was literally blocks away from touching, being where I wanted to be. Then every night I got ready for bed, reality set in and I realized I needed to respect the process. I woke up every day excited to explore, learn and write down what I needed to do to get steps closer. I had no specific agenda for my days there, I know I wanted to be in my SUCCESS already. This getaway was my P U S H; I came to the realization I must stay in line of my purpose, which sometimes I can be distracted by what I see in the NOW.
Life is full of twist and turns.
Leading up to turning 30 (June 15th) I set expectations and came to terms with what I can control and what I cannot. Seemed like the last month of being 29 (May) I was bombarded with things unexpectedly. While planning this trip I experienced every emotion I could ever imagine. I made hard life changing decisions within 24 hours. I made up my mind I would l be there for others as I see they are there for me. Sometimes in order for you to get to the next level you must cut back on being available. Going into everything with a clear mind helps you focus to see your vision clearer. Its true, on your journey " everyone can't come".
Lesson Learned: Wanting this so bad you will not get far with bad habits (learning to say "no" has become my second language) you put a strain on moving forward. Ease up on some habits that will not benefit your future. Easier said than done but it’s being practiced.
I am a firm believer of the Lord Jesus Christ. Things happen for a reason and I might not know right then and there but it will come to light sooner than later. Being hard headed had been my down fall during my journey but I know throughout it all the Lord would never leave me. I have been more aware to talk less and listen more. While in NYC and when I returned home I was signing up for events thinking to myself I could make that drive to NYC frequently. How? I didn’t factor in having a full time job, being in school full time or what I had already committed to before the birthday extravaganza. Being in NYC made me want to act so quickly and be where I have dreamed since being a little girl. God quickly showed me “not right now”. And this time I payed attention and some things were in place for what I had planned to not follow through. My patience has increased and my hustler mentality has keep me working consistently. I know with God and trusting the process I’ll get my chance at making my grand entrance to every event I am supposed to be present. I can't lie I was getting irritated, upset looking at promos and links provided to RSVP. I WANTED TO BE THERE. THIS WAS WHAT I THOUGHT WAS MY OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE MY DEBUT.
What I came to realize was that God was not taking anything from me, he was transitioning me for something bigger. And having if I learned anything quick it was PATIENCE. Patience continued to feed into me being humble. Seeing what I could contribute pushed me to take my work serious, network with like-minded businesses as mine and build my brand. I was also seeing for myself I had some work to do to even applying to be a part of some festivities. God was getting me ready emotionally, physically and mentally. My faith was being tested on many levels and as I always talk about getting out of your comfort zone; he snatched me out of mines lol.
I just want you to know it’s okay to feel. It’s so frustrating for me to go through situations that I cannot control. I find myself wanting to have a solution to every problem. Whether it’s emotional, physical and or mentally. I must remind myself that I’m human. I’ll pose to be the strongest and not open up and allow myself to feel. It’ll seem that I want things to be perfect with no obstacles. I must admit from my experience; painful experiences suck but it helps me come to a realization in overall life. I take what has happened and growth occurs sometimes without my knowledge! From learning I come better prepared and almost ready to handle the situations presented (not just painful). One of my goals is to allow myself to feel and express my feelings whatever they might be (cry, scream, smile, and laugh).
You know how you buy your size and then you have that gap in the back of your jeans, pretty annoying. Or how you shop online and you purchase your size and have to send back because it’s not your size after all. Happens to all of us, agree? I realized depending on the jeans some days are going to be much more successful than others. I can’t recall a time where I stepped on the scale and I remained in the 130s, it’s always up and down. Even during my pregnancies it just wasn’t happening. I have always been the tiny one in height and weight out the bunch. I often hear “oh she’s so small”. I’ve been called “itty bitty”, “skin and bones”, oh and my fav that they always say “you need some food”.
By the standard definition of beauty I have absorbed from the world around me, I have three strikes against me if you let them tell it: I’m too light, not curvy enough, and I have natural hair.
Having three children, my size has attracted a lot of criticism and compliments. To say the least, thank you. This society has the nerve to make many feel as if they don’t belong if they have a certain look. Stop beating yourself up because you don’t have the breast or you don’t have the butt to fill those jeans. I was told that I was shaped like an ant and certain parts didn’t fit my body. Accept nothing that causes you to overthink or alter your mind about your appearance. I’m being seen as this woman who is happy in her skin, laughs a lot, and doesn’t care what anyone thinks about me. I love my body for all of the changes that happens (motherhood, monthly menstrual cycle, fluctuating weight) and finding its way back as if it’s never happened.
Although the jokes being made might bother or some see it not to be intended to hurt I always think why someone wants me to be a size that satisfies them. Or think that I should feel bad because I’m not bigger. Everyone doesn’t have tough skin as me; I truly understand. But start by not letting words stick. Turn the jokes into motivation and have the confidence that your body is how it’s going to be. I find myself a higher self-esteem than most. People are literally surprised when I talk about how happy I am to be this size, how I do eat and how I’m still able to shop in the children’s section with my daughters. I love everything about my body and its natural curves.
I didn't know that there was anything "wrong" with my body until someone pulled me to the side and said “Rebekah you’re too old to still be this size and not have any meat on your bones”
We all have insecurities about our bodies; I’m always talking with my bestfriend how my appetite picks up when it wants to and then how I want to utilize my gym membership. I just can’t get past the pain part of lifting so I stay far away lol. However squats are life and I do sort of commit to that ha! The plans to go to the gym doesn’t fit my schedule right now so oh well. You have to love yourself for who you are. The average woman is a size 12 to 14. I’m not going to get there, nor am I going to set a goal that I know won’t be achieved just to fit to be accepted. Nah, you gon get this body that I give and that’s that. Why doesn’t the world show that we come in many shapes and sizes?I want you to know that you are beautiful; nothing needs to be taking from anywhere. Nothing needs to be change PERIOD. I don’t beat people to their weight jokes about me, I let em’ talk because I am going to continue to prance through like I heard nothing. I don’t tolerate disrespect, wont nan feed and boost off their own egos. I can’t stop the jokes or conversations about me but I automatically think that there is insecurity from within who thinks there funny.
Weight doesn’t define me or control me. Mirror talk:I’m fine as hell and through my natural body I have found my confidence, my joy, my safe place.
Ideally, I want to see all beauties, all shapes, all sizes, all skin tones, all backgrounds accept their natural body for what it is. I can’t change what social media and society overall is putting out there but it can start with me embracing who I am and loving my body for every imperfection. I refuse to hide my legs or cover my midriff; or my arms because others want to make someone else feel uncomfortable. I want to remind the world that we are beautiful, stretch marks are kissed and no longer thinking to change to be accepted.
When you go out and walk into the world do you visibly see that people are struggling with mental health and that they are practicing Self-Care without addressing there mental health needs.
Mental Health + Self-Care should begin to tie in with one another. Mental Health + Self-Care can be a struggle. Yet as you engage in your mental state you become vulnerable in creating content to educate others; while helping yourself grow into being a doper version of you. This is your story, you can be open and honest, and no one has to accept you but you. The stigma that has been attached to mental health means nothing. I wish there was a way that I could make that stigma go away and everyone start fresh; be more transparent, educated and knowing what to do. You can still strive, live a healthy life and practice self-care as you take care of your mental health.
For once please don’t let anyone tell you you are not normal. You are doing this for you. It can be a beautiful practice and process when you are taking the right steps to benefit you.
I am authentically open and honest when telling people that I have battled with depression and anxiety. Some of our experiences in life we cannot control. And when it happens we aren’t conditioned sometimes to make that life altering change so quickly. Our reaction is different from the “If this was to happen to me” conversation. You don’t know what you would do until it’s happened or happening. Someone battling with mental health doesn’t have the boundaries to keep healthy mentally, physically and emotionally. As much as people around try to separate and divide people battling mental health; I want people to know this isn’t a 1, 2 step. This is a process, trust has to be built and we can learn to and from one another. More and more people should know what to do when you see signs instead of “oh you are alright or sleep it off”.
The way we begin our mornings sets the tone for the day.
By no means am I saying this routine is easy and smooth. Or even that it happens overnight. It takes lots of discipline, rearranging and creating a very strict schedule for you. I know when you wake up your mind gets going. My specifically, my brain is brewing with so many ideas.
I just realized in this pic I don't have my bonnet on smh ...lol Ladies protect your natural when catching some zzzzzzzz
I have never been a morning person. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t work the B or C shift lol. I get it! I’m the one who used to hit the snooze button and roll out of bed 10-15 minutes before work. Since working mornings I need to get right back into making the most time out of getting a morning routine going. The most effective thing that I do when falling out the bed, I STOP REACHING FOR MY PHONE and I keep all televisions off in the house.
I'm so excited to get back to my routine. My Sundays back in church guides me through my week being productive, going back to my notes, pushing through with my mind at ease.
These last days of being 29 have been amazing but I’m realizing as I’m looking forward to my 30s I’m putting me first, less people are around and I’m realizing things I once ignored.
I make myself available too much. I’m always the friend, who is available to call, make accommodations to travel, attending festivities, extending myself to being exhausted or end up hurt. If there is something that I can’t make it’s because I may have committed to something else and was not given enough notice. In that instance I apologize and set up a date separately to make up time. With family, I’m such a big family fanatic so I’m the one pulling up, putting what I need to do for myself to the side to enjoy. I have even pushed back events. I never want to miss anything with both family and friends. Family especially because time is needed and I want to cherish one another.
We all have bubble gum bullshit and by the end of this blog you’ll either get rid of yours or you’ll be like “ya know what my happiness and peace is not negotiable”. Gum sticks, its nasty, gooooeey and over time it gets hard. Maybe I caught your bubble gum bullshit fresh to where you can peel it right off or maybe I didn’t so grab the razor to get to scrapping.
I used to really live an unhealthy life. I mean trying to be down with the crowd, trying to accommodate everyone; I was surrounded by drama, toxic relationship, and friendships. I just really didn’t want anyone to say “I told you so” or people to go off with their own story. I did so much damage staying around the toxicity thinking I was strong and things would get better.
*My own definition* Peace- interlude between living ya best life, when peace is interrupted study what has happened and be prepared to block the next interlude
What I want you to know …….
1. Still get up as if it was a weekday.
I managed to stick to my morning routine during the weekend (routine blog will be posted soon). Journaling in the morning gets my creative juices following and I usually schedule a meeting or gig as early as 8 am. I know many take the time to relax and sleep in but my body is so programmed even if I go to bed late to WAKE UP at least by 445am. I must add that my therapeutic bed will put you to sleep without your intent on going to sleep so I work at the table now.
This morning when I got up, I read through my blog drafts. I decided to do my bathroom over and I made a list for what’s needed for my birthday trip (June 15th…don’t forget!). I do need to work more on scheduling my blogs and getting my sticky notes ready to stick on my bathroom mirror. Words of affirmation is essential to my morning routine.
One of my goals this month is to get a steady sleeping pattern, set an alarm for my naps.
2. You are where you need to be …
Don’t for a second think twice about where you are, things happen for a reason. I always remind myself where I planted my seeds, my roots are growing and dwelling will prevent me from watering what must grow. God knows exactly what he is doing in my life. You must trust and continuously pray that whatever you go through you will grow through. Pay attention to the SEASONS. You got this! You may not know the purpose now but TRUST you will understand.
I am about to entire my 30s and when I look back I don’t stay back there. I can honestly and truly take what has happened and learn from moving forward. It always fine to look back and use it as a guide, not to beat yourself up about what you can’t change.
&& I GO AT MY OWN PACE. I can’t live my life through others, I know that must feel weird and when the day ends you don’t feel like you. BE YOU!
I may repeat what you hear all the time, what you take for granted can be quickly taking away from you.
I’m also learning to be more mindful of my tongue and my mindset.
The tongue is powerful and the mindset causes action, reaction, cause and effect
3. Failing is healthy and redirection
When you fail that doesn’t mean give up, it means you must change how you are going about something. So many people will walk away once they fail but it’s only meant for you to go harder. I work for one of the top health insurance companies and during a conference it really sank in when the VP said “Failure is key”. Failure makes you stronger, more aware and brings on critical thinking. When you go back and look at the process you must be brutally honest with where you failed at. It serves as redirection. If not, you’ll keep going through the process and fail because you’re not doing anything different. EMBRACE your failure.
You run the day, don’t let it run you. Be as productive as you create your TO DO LIST. Make sure that it doesn’t just look pretty on paper. Routine brings on CONSISTENCY. A positive mindset inspires you to PURSUE YOUR DREAMS. Take everything one moment at a time. One breath at a time.
Let me be brutally honest, I made it through a tough special day. Mother’s Day! I keep snapping out of feeling sad, and not wanting to do anything. Lying in bed I keep going back to the day I lost my daughter and grandmother (two separate occasions) not being here and how things would be different if they were. It just came over me that it’s another year without the two who has had a major impact on me, my business, and the person I am today. I recently wrote a personal letter to myself that helped me find a different look during my low points. I reread my journal from when I was a little girl and before I even agreed that therapy would be best. I told myself yes its okay to cry, but I asked myself am I hurting myself being selfish by wanting them here and not giving my all as if they were here. Of course they wouldn’t want to see me down. I caught it and I continued to work on giving positive energy and creating positive vibes around.
I’m so proud of myself that I no longer work from wounds. I have to say that is a dangerous place. I gave myself time to mourn and be at a place to look and see that I need to change my outlook. My therapist and support system was a tremendous help. I realized that I was miserable, I didn’t want to hear babies cry, see a women pregnant or newborns in my sight. It made me so angry, and I wanted to isolate myself from the world. I didn’t want to hear anyone talk about the relationship they have with their grandmother. I was bitter to say the most. I read my journal from my childhood and teen years and I was appalled. I see that it got better as years went by I was greater at handling my lows.
“I’m living my best life unapologetically and I’m continuing to learn day by day and piece by peace. I block out so much to focus and I keep telling myself it’ll continue to get better. Nowadays create your own lane and stay in that lane. I feel so much better!”
Mother’s Day 2018. My babies and I had breakfast in bed; I got up and put on my favorite color. To my surprise I met someone while I was out with my bestfriend and sister the night before and visited whose BBQ ribs hit the spot. The conversation alone put me in a much better mood. And I got the push to complete my degree on the path that I am currently on. It’s always good when you listen rather than talking so much. My favorite place to walk, me and my children went and took pictures. I spent time with my mother (pictured & who I’m working on having a doper relationship with) and my Papa Bear got me the dinner I requested. Last but not least I always know when I pull up to cousin Juice house it’s going to be music, food and good laughs. Those men right there are my cousins but raised as my brothers. My day was just everything and more. I pulled myself together after the conversation in the mirror.
It’s not like I woke up and said “Today I am going to be depressed” or “Today I am not going to be depressed”. Uh no it’s never someone saying they are going to be depressed. Don’t take away from someones low points. It is a process that is different to everyone that goes through a mental health illness.
Everyone says that there week starts on Monday. Not mine! Monday I’m mentally off.
Sundays+ Mondays Self Care combine (small routine listed below).
“Mental Me Mon’Daze”. My absolute favorite day because its cucumbers over my eyes, dressed in my robe, lying in my bed ….legs crossed; Rabbits World type of day truly. I take those 24 hours to be mentally on DO NOT DISTURB and have my mini retreat day! I give myself total power on Mon’daze to stop, take a deep breath and think about my next steps. My planner gets filled and I journal if I’m in the mood. I started this maybe two months ago when I felt I just needed one day to bum it out. Every Monday I get into the mood of it being all about me and I continue to water this seed of having an undeniable interest to do what I love to do. During this day, I prove to myself that I have the experience and trust myself to feed myself more self-confidence and tell myself I do deserve everything that I put my mind to. My self-love and passion cup overflows into my week which leads to being peaceful and productive.
Self-Care Mini Routine:
“I know I can be what I wanna be. If I work hard at it I'll be where I wanna be” - Nas
No but really I mean how did I get here? How did I start taking blogging to the next level? I was hesitate to hit publish and to even continue to blog about whatever comes to mind. I was overthinking about what people would think but who cares about what the world thinks of you? Right, I have been amazed and appalled by how words travel, are twisted and how people can conclude who you are and feel they are 100% correct. SO MY VOICE OVER ALL!
What happened Rabbit? At the age of 14, it was my freshman year of high school and I experienced a tragic loss. I delivered a stillborn and many didn’t understand how life impacting and how much I had falling into a dark hole. During this time, I shut down completely; mentally I replayed the words during delivery over and over. I was supposed to be enjoying my 1st year of high school. Life changed within 3 pushes and a scream. I found myself drenching my pillow with tears and growing hatred toward life. I battled with my self-esteem, how my body was taking on changes and my dreams had all come to a complete stop. I loss Rebekah Denise! I didn’t know who I could trust and why my so called friends who had moved on to high school with me was once excited about the life growing inside of me, but now spreading rumors that I had killed my baby. I saw the world as a cruel place and it seemed a story never ending on why I was without my baby girl. I didn’t know who I could express my emotions to and was so scared that everyone would run and tell their own version. No matter how many cards, attempted phone calls, visitors, my family comfort I couldn’t imagine going on without the life I carried. I wanted a do over to be more educated, but hey we get no do overs in life
In 2014, I lost my grandmother, another tragic loss. But I went about her passing in such a different way. I accepted her no longer being here and pushed myself even more to get started on going after what she blessed and open the door for me to do. Journaling!
16 years forward ……
"Your mental health is much more important. BE AWARE. Take care of YOURSELF"
On the intake of Mental Health let’s bring on a different outlook. What a lot of people don’t realize is what is happening in our society now is being passed down to younger generations and we talk so much about making change. As a young mother, business owner and having a full time job I began to get very overwhelmed. I had a lot of high and lows that took a toll on my well-being. I was afraid to tell anyone so I made sure I smiled and felt like it would eventually go away. I was blessed to have the support system I have to know when I needed help but also to express how I was feeling because they see it without me saying. I haven’t always been open to change or open to coming up out of my silence but when I see how many people around me suffer I knew that CHANGE is key and we don’t want to wait until we have loss someone or someone hurts themselves. Your mental state is very powerful and plays a important role in what's next. We should make mental health well known and raise awareness to providing more resources for forums and safe spaces for those who are facing difficulties. Talking about mental health should not be taboo, or something you are embarrassed or ashamed of.
What can you do to improve your mental health:
1.Surround yourself with positivity
2.Take social media hiatus (time away helps the mind think straight)
3.Write in a journal your feelings, thoughts, day to day life
4.Take care of your body. Eat healthy, exercise, get plenty of sleep.
5.Avoid alcohol and drugs. It’s not recommended that you self-medicate yourself
6.Getting help is a sign of strength. Treatment is effective. If you feel you cannot manage by yourself contact CRISIS TEXT LINE. Text CONNECT to 741741.
January you have been something else. I say to myself, “WHO WOULD HAVE EVER THOUGHT?” So much happiness and positivity to share. I’m at one of the highest peaks in my life. I made the biggest decision a few months prior to entering 2018. I am FRRREEEEEEE! Shout it out. I told myself, this is the last year of my twenties and I am going to do more things outside my comfort zone. I AM GOING TO LIVE more. I’m not big on NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS though because it never worked out for me. I’m a visual person who loves to see my handwriting, so the realistic goals that I set would be to fill up my 365 Planner weekly, give myself a deadline and my mind is on “DO IT” from that day forward. I have also created a vision board that I plan to look at the end of each month. Everything that I want to do, goes hand in hand. To climb those steps to the ladder with each step, each goal checked off I tell myself “I GOT THIS!”
I’ve changed my morning routine. I already get up early for my children to get dressed, and catch the bus. Instead of going back to sleep I stay awake. I eat breakfast and I read my bible (I choose a book that I am going to study), I journal and then I pray. Last year I said I wanted to get closer to God. I want to incorporate God into being #1 in everything that I do. I have learned that procrastinating = disobedience and I needed to commit. At one point I was committed to getting ready to go turn up with my girls. So, why can’t I commit and become one with my spiritual life? It’s not going to be easy and I know that sacrifices must be made. I am willing and putting in as much work as I want God to do. My prayer has increased; I talk to God like if I am talking to my father. God has showed up and showed out in my life. I have been blessed with a stable salaried job, a new car and working on releasing a big project this year that he has giving me the confirmation to. I am praying for a continuous positive mindset even through hurdles and what I face. Get yourself a routine and work on consistently making it happen. Practice makes perfect.
“Most people who haven’t reached their potential have a long list of excuses for why they haven’t” – Jason Harvey
I’ve noticed I’ve made many of excuses on my journey. Excuses that now and going forward I’m continuing to own. Excuses always come back full circle! It’s a matter of time before you must deal with the excuses you make up again. So, is it okay to keep making excuses? Some drown themselves in excuses that they are okay being soaked in and remain at a standstill full circle. If I even think of an excuse I stop myself immediately, question myself like where am I going to end up with this? If I’m conversing with friends and they make up excuses; I immediately get in question mood. We can’t even continue the conversation if we’re going to skip over something that needs to be solved. But we can move forward if we acknowledge it, find the problem, fix it and get over it. The explanatory be excuses like “well this happened because” and “let me tell you why”. Just stop it! Three excuses that grind my gears that I just want to scream GET OVER IT and MOVE forward with life:
A good example I stepped out of my comfort zone when I became a mother, I wasn’t ready, it wasn’t planned but I had to take that leap, have faith and carry god’s blessing. My body stretched as an 8-pound human got comfortable inside of me while I was uncomfortable. The results after 9 months, I was speechless, amazed. I didn't believe that I could do it. In fact, I did it three times. If I had failed at anything during my motherhood journey I couldn't give up. I was to pick up and try again.
If you can't relate to being a parent, let's use relationships. It's common that some of us get comfortable. We don’t want to pick up and leave, start all over with the initial meeting someone else. In a past relationship I got very comfortable. Was that my intentions to be that way, uh no. We both were just comfortable, in a set routine and years invested. I’m sure we both felt “stuck”. I often told myself “this is not for me" but I didn’t act on what I knew. Here and there I challenged the relationship; my anxiety would kick in and back to square one I was. It was clear as day this wasn’t for me. I was just making baby steps to budge to get out. I can’t remember why but I just got up one day and said “the hell with this floating, we are over”. Just like that I pushed myself to even say that and leave. I know he was confused. But I was fed up and knew I deserved more, I had forgotten all about my anxiety. By the time it kicked in I was already out the house trying to recollect what I had done. This was way out of my element to just bounce up like that. We were going nowhere and being “stuck” was miserable. I had to remain strong and know that there is much more than I am settling for. Days, months went by and I had to adjust. It was not easy at all. I wanted to pick up the phone, send a text. But overall I had to think to myself; I was watching time past by with nothing to show for.
Instead of continuously being all over the place I know I needed to slow down, sit down, I needed to get to a common ground. I can admit I've been so busy and things have been so chaotic that what's in my planner is not on my site. Yes I feel so bad, But I am also excited that it has played a part in me reflecting, pushing myself to do better. I was always so hype when ideas come to mind and then I just drop the ball. I literally wrote in my notebook. Just wouldn't follow through. I'll be like "ugh I planned to do this, I planned to post this, can this wait until tomorrow?". So taking time away from the blog site was best. October 1st I wrote a blog where I thought I was ready to just jump right into things. I may have jumped right ahead of myself. I skipped, I tripped, I dropped the ball again. This thing we call life (Places hand over head). Life sure does throw curve balls and the time needed to overcome obstacles are limitless. When I first started this blog I said what I was going to do but did the bare minimum. My mind got closed I made time for everything but what I love to do. NOT ANYMORE. The blessing in recognizing there needs to CHANGE to your surrounding and yourself! In this month I said I said I was trying to avoid the entire 30 days; I can't avoid because blessings have been hitting me in my face. We have three more weeks November. With this fueling mindset, I made a list and I looked at my list like Rabbit has to get to it and I'm not going to get to it dropping a ball. Pass me the ball, it's back in my court. Y'all gon' get all this dopiness of Rabbit. As I said this month has its many blessings but I took a two huge losses on this journey. My grandmother, Margaret Sampson and my oldest daughter, MacKayla Aaliyah went to be with the Lord. With there passing I took the years to understand and accept. With death we feel there not here physically and we become selfish but when we accept that they are no longer here (save this for another blog) we're blessed to see our strength and how they have played there part in our growth. I did not accept them being gone and I stayed in this darkness when this month has arrived each year. I REFUSE to claim and speaking into existence that darkness again. There is nothing but understanding and celebrating the life of two people who mean so much to me. Look 11 days in and I've gotten this push that I know God said it's time. So "revamping" much? It all needs to be revamped and I plan to give you nothing but ALL OF THE INSPIRED HEALTHY ME. This new direction takes nothing away from me continuing to be transparent. Things are being taking away and added but WELCOME BACK. I AM BACK & I AM READY.
(Jeremiah 29:11) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future
'Wow! It's been a whole month since I have published a blog. September had to be "It All Falls Down". What's better to say then "I was away". Away because I needed a peace of mind, I needed to re-evaluate what's been going on around me and get back to this dope person that I am. I need and still need organization in my life. Bare with me because I'm getting better. Its quite often that we need to just unplug. Unplug from it all! So may titles we hold during everyday life that it can get overwhelming. I invested in some therapeutic work outs, phone being on do not disturb, listening to music and giving myself self love. It starts with "Self" for a reason. It starts with you! If you are not healthy you won't be good to yourself or anyone around you. Here we are 30 days later. I'm back and I'm better. This month has been a month, a lost friendship, closer bond with my mother, road to my masters, and adjusting to three little ones schedule. I had to place Blogger Confession on hold and neglected networking on social media. I'm happy to announce Blogger Confession started back up tonight. Ayyyyeee, you betta work Rabbit (my childhood nickname).. It's life, were human, don't beat yourself up about taking time away. Major things have happened in my life and I'm still being tested. I decided a few months ago that I was going to dedicate my life to Jesus and I was going to gain my own understanding. Yeah going against the grain; because society really has this thought of church & christianity. I'm not debating y'all just yet. Everyday I'm working on my relationship with God, it's my personal relationship, and I just be talking to him.. I was raised in church but I didn't pay attention (we'll talk in depth in another blog). Bible study and church has become a part of me. Put some respect on his name. JESUS that is. So on my journey which has been amazing I knew I would piss the devil off. I did! As quick as he's been pissed off I'm at the point where he can catch these hands because he is trying me. There's a saying "I may bend but I will not break". I'm not even try to bend. I'm keeping my head up and my chin up. I will get through and I will be telling you in another blog how God stepped up and showed out. The storm doesn't last long. Fast forward September 24, 2017 I was baptized. I came up NEW (it's a unexplainable feeling) but I know when accepting and following God we become vulnerable. It was like a domino effect that things just continue to keep pulling and tugging at me. I became this person where I WANTED TO GIVE UP but I knew I could not. It was the devil trying to interfere. Like move around and sit down somewhere because you won't win. So breather, let me step back and as much is going on I need to take it a day at a time, and handle with faith, confidence and know God will see me through. It's okay to cry, crying cleanses, I think I have used a 6 roll mini pack of toilet tissue roll. It's all good, I didn't give up and I'm keeping on on my journey. In todays service I learned "I still survived". I cried again like a baby and just let it go. Oh before I forget I will be posting notes that I take in Sunday Service (they help me throughout the week). God already knows whats next for me. I'm overjoyed that I AM BACK. I got my big girl underwear on. I'm ready to jump into blogging & speaking into existence October is going to be a BREAKTHROUGH. Welcome October, and welcome back to my supporters. I love you all.
ACTS 5:39 But if it is of God, you can not out throw it- lest you even be found to fight against God." We DO NOT WALK IN FEAR
I always make a bucket list and half way complete it, ugh. This month I'm making it my job everyday to focus on my bucket list. I have some pretty cool things. Depending on this bipolar weather I might have to put one on hold. We'll see how this goes. This shall be fun! Here's my bucket list. Feel free to share some of yours with me.
I figured I'd surprise you on your special day and write this blog. Surprise !!!!! A blog dedicated to my gorgeous mother. I want to clarify some things but also THANK YOU for life itself. Birthing a Baby Girl I know you had my life all figured out & you wanted to protect me from the war you was fighting prior to pushing and you have always wanted me to be a better "you". I'll touch on the better "you" a little bit later. I'll probably be all over the place with this letter but its so much I have to say. Bare with me and just understand for a long time I've keep this inside. First of all thank God for giving you a second chance; had things gone the other way I wouldn't know where I'd be. I learned from what had occurred. I went through middle/high school cautious and learning who was really in my corner. It takes two I know but with you I was just thinking about your Baby Girl watching you; lesson learned: watch what I do in front of my children. So If you ever blamed yourself for anything I made a decision on STOP IT. Had to be around my late 20's I realized I can't take on more than what I am responsible for, at times I was mad at you and called myself not talking to you because of how I interpreted many things going on and wanted to take on your battles myself. I learned cause and effect, and with action there is a reaction. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise--" so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth". Ephesians 6:1-3. I did not give you that chance to come and talk to me. I just took what I was feeling and went from there. Communication is key. I felt because you opened that door for me and Nana to have that mother/daughter relationship what more could I ask for. I built a wall between us. Thank you for giving me Nana. She help US. She understood the both of us and sat us both down to help us understand on another. She always told me to let you be you and you were very transparent without you knowing you were. I seen you wanted the best for me and times, most times I made it hard for you. Remember I called myself running away? That was to get your attention, maybe you'd quit your second job and maybe you be home for me to run to your bed crying, laughing, telling you about my day. As I'm older I realize you was working so hard to give me the world. In fact it has its negative and positive in my adulthood because I still look to be spoiled. Those days better continue *winks eye. The incident that occurred did nothing but hurt our relationship. For that I am truly sorry. Even the crack in the door still had me blind as you and Dad were preparing the arrival of your first grand MacKayla Aaliyah. I didn't understand the open door until I gave birth to my first living daughter, Asianna Inaz-Naomi.
Wake up and be like "I got this and if I don't Imma go get it" I am the mother of three amazing little people that look up to me and sometimes mimic what I do. I started this blog wanting to inspire all to live in there story.
Rebekah Denise is a Rochester, NY native who in 2019 will graduate with her bachelors in Public Relations and Communication.
"I pray that through my blog I add inspiration to your journey and a push to your hustler mindset"
i am rebekah .
Mother. The Mind Bothering Blogger. Brand Ambassador.Host. Creator of #BloggerConfession. Margarets Granddaughter.