- Parent Teacher Meetings
- Time Management
- Memorize Book of the Bible
- Horseback Riding
- Attend 2 local events
- Scrapbook w/the Team
- Letter to Unc
- Introduce Blog Pal
- Renew Passport
- Stay consistent w/reading a book & finish
I always make a bucket list and half way complete it, ugh. This month I'm making it my job everyday to focus on my bucket list. I have some pretty cool things. Depending on this bipolar weather I might have to put one on hold. We'll see how this goes. This shall be fun! Here's my bucket list. Feel free to share some of yours with me.
I figured I'd surprise you on your special day and write this blog. Surprise !!!!! A blog dedicated to my gorgeous mother. I want to clarify some things but also THANK YOU for life itself. Birthing a Baby Girl I know you had my life all figured out & you wanted to protect me from the war you was fighting prior to pushing and you have always wanted me to be a better "you". I'll touch on the better "you" a little bit later. I'll probably be all over the place with this letter but its so much I have to say. Bare with me and just understand for a long time I've keep this inside. First of all thank God for giving you a second chance; had things gone the other way I wouldn't know where I'd be. I learned from what had occurred. I went through middle/high school cautious and learning who was really in my corner. It takes two I know but with you I was just thinking about your Baby Girl watching you; lesson learned: watch what I do in front of my children. So If you ever blamed yourself for anything I made a decision on STOP IT. Had to be around my late 20's I realized I can't take on more than what I am responsible for, at times I was mad at you and called myself not talking to you because of how I interpreted many things going on and wanted to take on your battles myself. I learned cause and effect, and with action there is a reaction. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise--" so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth". Ephesians 6:1-3. I did not give you that chance to come and talk to me. I just took what I was feeling and went from there. Communication is key. I felt because you opened that door for me and Nana to have that mother/daughter relationship what more could I ask for. I built a wall between us. Thank you for giving me Nana. She help US. She understood the both of us and sat us both down to help us understand on another. She always told me to let you be you and you were very transparent without you knowing you were. I seen you wanted the best for me and times, most times I made it hard for you. Remember I called myself running away? That was to get your attention, maybe you'd quit your second job and maybe you be home for me to run to your bed crying, laughing, telling you about my day. As I'm older I realize you was working so hard to give me the world. In fact it has its negative and positive in my adulthood because I still look to be spoiled. Those days better continue *winks eye. The incident that occurred did nothing but hurt our relationship. For that I am truly sorry. Even the crack in the door still had me blind as you and Dad were preparing the arrival of your first grand MacKayla Aaliyah. I didn't understand the open door until I gave birth to my first living daughter, Asianna Inaz-Naomi.
I'm pretty sure you know but just in case you didn't know I watched your every move and I caught on, learned very quickly. Sometimes I used to sit on the top of the steps on Rosewood, sit by your room door on Bedford, or on the steps going down to my room with Lizzy. I still can't stand that cat but wonder where she is. And mom you owe me another Spaider please and thank you. Your best keep secret I held it in. Everyone looked out for me and you; they didn't care the TRUTH Til this day that TRUTH doesn't matter to me.. Family lies, family ties that blood doesn't make anyone any less of family. Thank you for wanting/giving me the best life, for holding your ground. You gave my father, my bestfriend his 1st born stubborn, hard headed spoil rotten brat. You helped build a foundation that can not be altered and or broken. I learned the true definition of FAMILY. I learned keep my eyes opened and watch the closest to me & never put anything past anyone. I never judged you, never felt you owed me a explanation. I watched and I learned the DO's and DONT's. You served as my personal guide to LIFE. Your tough love was one hell of a drug! It stood out most when I was in the delivery room. I didn't ask majority of my questions because I didn't think you was ready for that BUT was I ready for my curiosity that BOOM I was to be a mother in 9 months. Question: Was it you or me on the table? Who had to push? Lol. You watched me become a mother as we locked eyes when I was on your chest after hours of labor with me, You blossomed once you watched me plant my first seed. None of this was your fault at all. You did a amazing job preparing me and being my children's Mema. I don't regret anything that you have sacrificed because I now understand.
Let's touch right quick on you wanting me to be a better "you". Impossible. You're you and I am me. You helped mold me into who I am today; had I been you I would be trapped. I would have to relive everything from when you were a little girl. Do you want that? I am competing with who I see in the mirror. I am becoming a better me by the day with you and the village as a reference guide. I am Rebekah Denise. I am proud of you, proud of your outline, most importantly proud that you can look at your past and grow. Thank you for the dope childhood, teenage years, and adulthood. I pray that God continues to strengthen our relationship. I love you mom. Happy 51st Birthday!
This month I will be choosing 2 winners. Complete the challenge and you could win a $40 gift card to Target or a free credit consultant session with Virtuous Consulting Services LLC.. virtuouscsllc.com
I just want to go back to younger me and actually listen. Not let words go in one ear and out the other. I would actually take notes like I was in class. Why didn't I listen? My grandparents said "Your credit is your life". Sounds good to me back then & something I cherish right now going forward. Yeah I know, we all listened while growing up. I was like aight I heard no credit is good credit or you have to buy things to establish credit. It went something like that. When I hit 18, building credit manuals, a lot of credit card offers was rolling in the mail. Alright let me see, I want this credit card, I'll go with this phone company, oh I can get that in my name LETS DO IT. You mean to tell me I can pay later for things. Bet! I didn't care about a late payment as long as it's paid. I will get to it when I get to it and I'm arguing a late fee. Late fee, better be glad you got payment. It's safe to say my attitude towards my finances sucked. If I get into debt I had people who would get me out. That's where my mindset was. You know what, my parents will pay this. "Papa Bear, Mom, Nana, Papo can you pay this bill for me, I don't get paid till blah blah blah". I didn't even pay them back (they better not look at this blog and say I owe them lol). I swear I was "living the life". I had good intentions to eventually pay things back. But it was when I get around to it. Any mail coming in about debt, collections agencies, payment date I would disregard. Rip it up and throw it out. I was in college spending, spending and spending. I could have thought smarter with my refund checks I should have been paying back some of these debts I accrued. When I was about 25 I said I was going to work on my credit when I heard some people talking about repairing theres. I had written down collection agencies to call and set up payment arrangements. That didn't happen, I lost focus trying to keep up with the Jones. Who are the Jones anyway? I continued to party, shop, work, motherhood expenses, mall trips, spending my checks and my parents were spoiling me per usual. You see I had two daughter, so motherhood I was racking up on merchandise and ignoring a budget, my excuse "I had to get (*enter what I wanted for them)". Excuses! To me I was making sure my babies were all set. Every release of anything I wanted, me and mine was waiting for the UPS truck or I would go to grab em' early. Are you catching on to my level of irresponsibility? Two things I said "I'll worry about it later" and "It'll be knocked off my credit in 7 years". Mistakes. Mistakes. Mistakes. Again, what was I thinking. Adulthood was coming on strong. My rent was what some were paying for mortgage, I was negotiating my car payments with banks being scared, and I went to apply for a credit card and was denied. I caught myself frustrated not being able to get what I was going for. And guess what a bill from 7 years ago was not erased. I have to pay that back even though it didn't appear on my credit report. Think again sweeties. The karma of playing around with your credit. CREDIT: I NEED IT! When is the first time you looked at your credit or thought to sit down with a credit consultant? I was 28/29 years old. I was so scared to look at my score. I was embarrassed because I know the horrible financial life I once lived had came back to get me. Scrolling through my credit it was showing up and I was like "Rebekah really" "This is less than "$300". I could have paid that instead of ignoring. I was embarrassed for myself. I followed up from a credit consultant seminar I attended with two accredited credit consultants. I sat down with the founder of the company; she was silent going over the documentation she requested, slowly reading between the lines. She did not miss a letter printed on the paper. I was in Panera Bread looking as if I was in shock, life flashing before me. Her highlighter was just highlighting .....I thought for a minute I was invisible. "Not bad but could be better, what are your long term goals". When she asked me that I thought of my children, where I wanted to be within my business and what my idea work day of staying at home in my office could be. I wanted to know where do I begin? Do I start calling these collection agencies? Do I have to come up with the money upfront? NO. It is a process to fix your credit. I wish I would have protected my credit *crying face but hard work pays off. I get overwhelmed at times with the sacrifices. My biggest lesson is say "NO NO NO"! Its ME or nothing at all. I think what I need over what I want (key point). I am seeing as my credit score goes up I am securing FUTURES. I get thirsty to learn, consistently asking questions. And the best thing about this journey the credit consultant is always available. I love it! I don't have many points to go to hang with the 700 club (pushing to get there by August/September). I WILL BE A STRONGER BUSINESS OWNER & 1st time HOMEBUYER. Mark my words. SELF DISCIPLINE. FOCUS. I'm stingy with my money. I can't do what everyone is doing. Every penny matters. CREDIT: I NEED IT! I'm learning backwards but moving forward. I should have listened and learned in my young adulthood. It's never too late to learn and start healthy financial living. I'm learning to properly handle my finances. So did you think I was going to spill all the steps to cleaning up your credit? Uh no. Not until I feature the credit business will I spill some tips and there slideshow. You want to fix your credit? Learn the fundamentals of healthy living? Do you want genuine support and honesty? Request Virtuous Consultant Services LLC on Facebook and Instagram..
Most people be so ready to throw out a relationship. So concerned with the public view. Quick to move relationship to relationship chasing approval. Have you ever fought for who you loves? Have you both sat down and said "we are going to make this work". I won't disguise the truth, you damn right I fought and prayed hard. I have done some things I've said I wouldn't do, nothing to out of the ordinary. I bring up social media; we see what couples want to disclose. From what's seen "GOALS", lovely gifts and the good, I'm not saying the bad should be displayed. Just stop thinking social media has the answers. Is everyone supposed to have the same relationship? Younger me: I called myself having a boyfriend I didn't know what love was. My first love I can't honestly say that wasn't love because I knew nothing. We should apologize to one another for having no emotion, we had caterpillar feelings. I can say he told me "I want what my parents had". What did your parents have? I seen what my parents had. Okay I wasn't them. Younger me felt celebrating special holidays, saying "this my boyfriend", wearing same outfits, and taking pictures. We had nothing to argue about, still living under our parents roof. See each other in school, a little after school, barely texting (my tracfone went by minutes), and talk on the phone (Geena was asking for her phone by 8pm *rolls eyes). Childish lol. I broke up with him every minute just because I felt like it. I experienced a long term relationship and because of traditional views I tried holding on knowing it wasn't healthy for me. For him, so I didn't understand letting go but when I did. I felt the biggest relief. Not hiding, not being myself. Very uncomfortable I didn't know what i was doing. I don't want to take from anyone but it is what it is. It wasn't love.
Love hit me:
I experienced love around 26 years old. It came at me quick, we didn't have the chance to explain our past. I mean we knew some things but not all. So a demon was brewing. We immediately started learning and had to make decisions. When the past came to us, there were arguments, scattered puzzle pieces, we sleep in the same bed but separate. That demon was dancing around us. It was always something coming at us. I wanted the body heat back but for us to be on the same page. You really don't know what you're going to do until you are presented with the problem at hand. If the storyline is true, Rasheeda I felt for you crying on that stage from what we could see. Heartbreak can put you at the lowest point. Can you really say what you would and would not accept? Love was like a battle, we both had to fight. He had to be himself and I had to be myself. I unmet and met this man on a few occasions. Sometimes it was needed. This was who you were in the past and this is who you are trying to reach to become. I could have left, in fact I did leave and I tried my hardest to stay away but I felt I lost my best friend who accepted me for who I was. I was caught up with what everyone would say I was dumb, crazy, and friends who would just be surprised. But my best friend continued to call, pop up, I would read messages and feel his voice. I would place my calls here and there. I thought of us being there for one another, how we made each other laugh, how we completed each other. I decided I was going back. No one could tell me who to love, even after the heartbreak. My biggest mistake was returning the favor of heartbreak. We were back to square 1, building our foundation. Notice that life didn't hit social media. I was bound for mistakes, I was selfish, emotionless and I was learning myself. I thought I wasn't going to care. I was learning from who I was hurting; Myself and potentially him. I couldn't leave his heart damaged, mine needed to be mended as well. Starting on a rocky foundation was not healthy. The building was leaning. It was like Jenga, go ahead your turn. Remove a block "last straw" it was coming tumbling down. When you love are you blind? In good ways and in bad ways just be careful. At one point I was the late Ray Charles with Michael Kors prescripted goggles on. You know that part in the movie where his mom refused to help him when he was on the floor and he was feeling around. I was fighting and feeling around for myself to make my other half comfortable and secure. Like I said I was learning & vice versa. We were learning from one another, without saying it it was like hold on don't let go. It was a lot of sweat, tears, time invested and conversation, Wasn't just a picture and holding hands in public. We both put our pride to the side, I learned to laugh more together and to start a love that we feel everyday. Loving someone else is not easy especially when it's your first time. Your not going to get whats in these Disney movies. Although Simba did fight for Nala & the tribe. Pride Rock was re-established. So can you fight like Sean Carter fought? All relationships are not the same, you are not going to go through the same. Can you shut up and listen, agree instead of going against and most importantly can you be committed. Look over your shoulder and as your other half has your back let them know its going to get better. Or do you both agree to go your separate ways? I learned so much falling in love and being transparent, I think its the best feeling. I know I'm going to love until my nerves give out. And the outside world is just that, the outside world. Together you work to be healthy and communicate during those rough days. Did you think every day would be good? Tuuuhhh! Relationships don't come with a manual and from listening to other voices, they won't stir you up happiness. You become happy with yourself and you'll make someone else even more happier. You keep the relationship amongst the two involved, not giving a show to the world. But not keeping one another a secret. That 4 letter word is more powerful than you can imagine.
"If you want to live a life you never lived, you need to do things you've never done." I can't remember who said this but this is so true. Who would have thought. I chose to tell my story the best way I knew how. WRITING! When I attended college I wanted to be a doctor; I wanted to be a architect, I changed my major so many times. If they gave the option to chose have a bachelors in Blogging. Count me in! I never doubted what I could do. Every time I put my mind to something, I'm checking off my list, Your greatness ; your journey of having a awesome life. Love what you do and have some fun. My inspiration for becoming a lifestyle blogger is when I was 7 years old my grandmother, the late Margaret Ann Sampson handed me a notebook and told me write down everything. S/O to my nana, my mum ! She made out to be the blogger/empower coach that I am today. I feel like I'm in a field where I am making a difference and I am changing mindsets and inspiring those who have yet to speak out.
What is Self Love ? My happiness. My well-being . If I did not have self love the internet would have broken me down years ago. The internet, social media is the truth right? If it doesn't hit the internet, social media it doesn't happen. I mean am I right or am I wrong? The internet, social media can be the platform in which you empower or you hide behind a computer and try to defame people's character. I've thought long and hard about giving this attention. And I'm fed up with the negativity of ones mind and hatred in heart. I wonder why others worry about what's going on in someone else's life. I'll drive myself crazy wondering. What I can tell you; I have
dealt with things being out there about me, group chats, discussions, on the internet. I grew thick skin to ignore and block it out. Easier said then done (I know) but I can not argue with artificial. Has to be fake because I don't know who or what it is. One important part about Self Love is taking care of yourself. Your mind, body and soul. Drink water, look in the mirror on a daily, and be you. It feels good to be you regardless of what someone has to say. But loving yourself is a self maintenance routine. So what someone laughs at someone else shortcomings, hurt, pain, or make fake pages to “expose” someone. What does that say about that person? Better yet how about you put yourself in that persons shoes? Don't like it? Or it never happened to you? Do you know that person better than they know themselves? ANSWER ME. Many incidents where people are depressed and/or having suicidal thoughts can be prevented. They want to be accepted by people who don't even accept themselves.I get it It's mind bothering to not know personally why someone takes the time out there day to come for you. To want others to view you as what they have heard about you or for the reasons they have come to not like you. WHO CARES ABOUT SOMEONE WHO FOCUSES ON SOMEONE ELSE AND NOT FOCUSED ON THEMSELVES? So what has become my best approach: SILENCE. Huh what you say I can't hear you? What you bring water to grows. What you feed into changes the mindset. Self Love, how do you feel about yourself? What makes you the person you are? I look in the mirror and I fix my bundles, hunny child my 1st time installing and they are so soft. Big shoutout to my lace closure. I throw on my high waist jeans and crop top shirt. I tell myself "Girl you looking good". "She's ugly, she shouldn't have big chopped, she's skinny, or she's doing this or that". Blah Blah Blah. I've heard it all. I AM ME, I AM REBEKAH DENISE. I careless about a opinion. I don't need the outside voices to validate or confirm anything. I've been called a name that they think defines me. That's how they feel. Tap into your Self Love. Everyone sins different from me so you judge. Or you don't like something about me so you run with it. What don't you like about yourself? I'm a punk because I don't respond. No, its not worth it to go back and forth with another human who has the same 24 hours in a day that I have. I am not here to hate, I love. It used to get under my skin that I couldn't figure out for the life of me what was the problem that others had with me. Kill with kindness, I smile, I laugh, I focus on me, myself and I. Shake off that spirit of anger because one has negative feelings. OH WELL! Some just aren't brave enough to come to you and meet you. You can't help and you can't address another negativity. So what do you do? Block EVERYTHING negative that comes your way ! I don't care if its someone you've been friends with since diapers, or a close family member. You might have to block the dog from barking. You don't need any negativity. You don't need to second guess what you are made up of. Words that don't define you you can't let them stick. Just like leaves that fall off a tree and blow away. You let the words or actions of others blow away. You've come a long way not to entertain what hides behind hatred. With Self Love you have a consistent desire to grow and to complete levels on my journey. Its almost like Sonic the Hedgehog and Spiro the Dragon, play your hardest to get to the next level. You should never argue with the devils advocate, tuuhhh all this love I have for myself I pour into others. Knock out negativity with success. Look in the mirror and tell yourself YOU ARE BETTER THAN WHO TRIES TO KEEP YOU WHERE YOU AT A STANDSTILL. Practice Self Love. Protect your Peace. Protect your Energy.
I get tired of hearing the way I should live my life because I grew up in a religious house and my father is now a minister. It's like being judged without having a voice.
Now let me speak!
BACK THEN: Many can agree that we were "forced" to go to church on Sundays. We didn't set a alarm, our parents or grandparents were the alarm. I didn't understand why I was listening to someone who didn't go to college for this job. Why someone was kneeling down at the altar and crying. Some were clapping, some were reading a thick book and some were staring as others were walking in. My grandmother practiced Christianity everyday, never did I see her out of her norm. No breaks! She even brought it to work knowing that some didn't practice the same religion. She didn't care. I took a understanding class "catechism", remembered the books of the bible, went on trips with the youth groups. It was coo to me. I listened to my grandmother introduce living right as a way of life and I didn't have a choice. Saying no in the morning would be being deviant. I would never. I attended until I got to be around 14 years old and judgment was passed, it definitely pushed me away. I was hurt, I felt the word that was being taught 'God said come as you are" was not demonstrated when I walked in carrying a life inside of me. I heard with my own ears when the youth gathered one Friday night, the leader said "Let's talk tonight about preventing the acts of sex and experiencing a hard life because of your decisions". WOW! I gave church a chance regardless of the many voices against. My grandmother continuously told me "God died for all of us", It seemed everything negative they were saying became true in my eyes. Sunday mornings I felt a stomach ache coming on, I tried to be at a relatives house. I was just not going but found myself praying when things go to tuff in my journey. It took me 9 years to open my mouth about why I turned against going to church. It was until the passing of my grandmother I showed my face. Even with showing my face I felt the hurt, anger and my guard was up. I turned to my father who is a minister to open my heart and eyes and build my relationship with God and the congregation that comes together; we sin differently.
I had so much fun doing June challenge. I'm still stuck on my #TwentyFineSweet birthday festivities. It was so dope. I learned I have to really pay attention and be consistent with you all. So Hello July! I'll be practicing consistency once again. Practice makes perfect! I'm determined to complete the 31 Day Challenge. Even post more to my blog. Okay let me admit something, I write my blogs out and it sometimes doesn't make it to my site. Horrible I know but what did I say? Practice makes perfect and I'm going to get it.
So let's jump right into it. You can follow me on IG: www.instagram.com/Rebekah.Denise__ , remember to hashtag #BlogYourMindJulyChallenge. There will be a chance to win a $25 gift card and or a free credit consultation.
Life becomes a masterpiece when you become able to MASTER PIECE <3
I often ask that you take a selfie and people wonder why. I love selfies because I see me for who I am. A selfie pushes you to continue to look at you and work on you. Notice its about BEING YOU. So my Selfie Game is strong and I'm going to get you to take as many selfies as you desire. Your are beautiful inside and out. And what God has for you will be for you. Let the #SelfieGame begin .....
Day 6: (Create or Review your Vision Board) ...Let me go back and review the goals and the things in which I glued to my vision board. First and foremost, I love Tarji Henson. I began her book and how powerful. She was a mother who believed she can and didn't let anyone stop her. That is all the motivation right there. Back to the vision board, I am off to a great start. I have KICK OFF the party by not letting anyone stop me on my journey and pushing through obstacles. Beauty is one thing to have but don't for once think that is all you need to make it in the REAL world. Cut out being on the scene to some things. I challenged myself 30 Days of Happiness. If it brings negativity its D R O P P E D. My job is doing what I love with my freedom. In a nutshell there you have it, I'm still working and before the month is over I'll double check my vision board again. So where are you with creating or reviewing your vision board? Does changes need to be made? Next 6 months of the year what are your goals?
Network #BloggerConfession! One of my strongest platforms to work on is Twitter (@__RebekahDenise). I created this discussion to support, ask questions, and confess about your blogging experience. OMG this has grown so much. I encourage you all to join. When I began #BloggerConfession I didn't think anything would come of it. Why? Because I knew no one. But I started following all types of bloggers and "@" them well in advance. They joined! #BloggerConfession is a example of networking, planting a seed, watering it, and watching it grow. If you are on Twitter follow me and join in on the discussion. Please be sure to hashtag #BloggerConfession #BloggerConfession #BloggerConfession. No matter what social media platform you use, NETWORK. Even offline, introduce yourself. Hand someone your business card. Don't be scared to slide in DMs. You want it you work for it and gain your following and support.
Here it is; the 1st 15 days of Blog Your Mind Journal Photo Challenge! You have plenty of time to catch up. I'll be posting to my IG account: @Rebekah.Denise__. Feel free to follow my format. Purchase a journal and get used to taking your own pictures. This shall be fun. Randomly I'll check your IG OR FB if you provide me with your info and pick a account of someone who will have the chance to win a $25 gift card of there choice. Let me know if you are participating. Please hashtag #BlogYourMindJuneChallenge as well on the social media platform you are using.
. New Goals. 30 Days of Happiness. I WANT WHAT BELONGS TO ME. This month I turn TwentySweeeeeetttt :)
I take it everyone has went through that phase of wanting to be accepted. Or have there different definition of being accepted. At a young age I learned just how to deal with acceptance. So in your upcoming years of school you want to be friends with everyone, fit in. Middle school I made a transition from the suburbs to the city. They say its a big change but funny what goes on in the suburb is keep secret. The city, there speaking about it and you'll be blessed if you don't catch hands and feet from the neighborhood. Remember it takes a village to raise em'. Anyways so I made the transition and I was a light bright, skinny, natural hair, thick eyebrows having 4'6 standing questionable race young girl. I say questionable race because still til this day I get asked "What are you" ugh! IM ME ! I met a lot of "friends". I came close, fell apart, drifted apart, not my crowd, he/she say, went through it all.
The years of high school, what a test. We were teen-kids scared to speak to our parents, not paying attention in health class but worried about joining sports and conversation. I had that one conversation, the birds and bees with a selected few. So they had already took it upon themselves to fulfill there thought. I was scared but being the last in the group when I spoke up about it they laughed at me. Alright cool! Who knew the birds and the bees would turn into that cherry being popped and little ol me finding out that there was something growing inside of me. Yea you read right. Birds and the bees talk and here it is 9 months later I'll have a little me.
It was a secret I told between 3 friends. Girl don't tell nobody because what am I going to do. They keep there secret as I keep my mouth closed and just tried to keep my regular routine. Word got out when I was 5 months, I had support but I seen for myself some switch up. Those who had once accepted me, neglected me. My birds and bees conversation went another way. Talk about being hurt, I was crushed. I walked the halls alone, some phone calls stopped, chain letters skipped over me. I had no say so in the decision made. I could count on my hand how many "friends" I had. The "friends" that I did have I was cautious would switch once I gave birth. Hell I was learning right along with them. Suddenly in gym class with two who stood beside me; I went into labor. I was rushed to the hospital, those two right by my side. My daughter who never made it (stillborn) was a lesson learned blessing that was showing me the strength I had to overcome the rejection, not being accepted. It had spread that she had passed away. What do you know ? People knew me again. But they knew the old me. Life changed. I gave myself time to return to the life I had to continue without her. I heard plenty rumors, to my surprise something I will teach is loyalty and respect. I couldn't believe my ears but it prepared me. I returned, not looking to hold conversation. Not looking to be accepted. I AM ME ! Everyone has a different story. Things could have went different if I wasn't judged before knowing or people would have simply been a friend and not discussed my business. Having time away I learned to accept myself and also accepting others how they are.
These past few months have been bittersweet for me. Valuable lessons was taught and I have a sense of patience. I've been a blogger since 2015, imagine being so excited starting up a blog. Then you begin experiencing life, taking a few breaks in between and then coming back to a site where you can't carry over your old blog post. Customer service gives you some bull crap answer and ask for more money. The bottom line is, you have to start from scratch. Yes that was me. The old me wants to call back customer service, speak to the highest in the department and own the company after fighting in court. I mean seeing my name is flashing lights is the goal. Hmmmmm lol ! That doesn't sound bad at all. The new me, think positive no matter what. Since taken on the mindset of positivity I find myself counting to 10 more often and deep breathes. So POSITIVE THINKING !!!! My brand has grown so much from me playing around, this being a hobby, to now this is my baby growing and I take every step like my baby is on life support. I could cry over spoiled milk, but I'm not. So brand new brand new brand new, this is from scratch. As you read, I'm reading. We're starting together. Had I let my feelings get the best of me there wouldn't be a blog at all. There's this saying, they say if a girl changes her hair then she's ready for new beginnings. I'm always doing that (you'll see from the pictures I'm going to post). Just a week ago I put in poetic justice braids so IM READY. As tight as these braids are is as tight as I am with making sure I keep you guys wanting more and coming back to visit. Once these braid loosen I'll be at ease with just about everything. Cheers to the START OVER with nothing but a positive mindset!
This is my first time doing a bucket list. I feel it may help me, it might help my memory as well. I'm forever forgetting something. So with a planner and my bucket list I shouldn't go wrong.
I found this online, bloggers tell you a bit about themselves. So why not, feel free to take, add your own questions for others to get to know you. I'll update as I go through my journey. I mean as WE go through my journey.
I winged it by choice. I was in denial, I believed my memories I had I would be making more of. It was like when I was away for college. I knew when I came back I would be able to take the elevator up and turn left to go to your room. I waited for mom to call and tell me “Nana wants to speak to you”. Your speech was coming back. You were gaining your strength. We were getting there with your appetite. They just didn’t know you didn’t want that nasty food lol. It was just a dream, that phone call, seeing your sisters by your bed side. That day, November 2, 2014 dragged then that week and 3 days flew by to say see you later (November 12th). We were in a room full of family but I felt it was just me and you. During the funeral, I walked up to speak and from my view my vision was blurry as I spoke on the impact you had in my life. My yellow dress, just blew as I stood there. Everything just went by and I was numb thinking to myself this is not going on. Devien LaTrail grabbed me when they rolled your casket out, this was ALL a dream.
(Psalms 3:1-3) Lord, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.” But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
I was planning for the future and the dream was showing me how I’ll be okay and prepared for when you leave this earth. I was as prepared as I was going to get.
November 2, 2016 I was just winging it, it really happened. I wrote that obituary, I got programs ready. I sat down with the funeral director, “okay here’s how I want it.” We drove around looking for what you’ll wear. I was winging the feeling of “I am okay”. I am not. My mourning has just begun; I’ve been sitting around waiting for that call. When will I see you again? When will my heart beat the same? I cried, I cried like I was touching your hand and just began reading. I cried as if you took you last breath and then I looked to the doctors “she’s gone I’m sorry” Who’s sorry? Your gone, there is no more winging it. No more! Off to a better place, off to grace others with your presence. Tell me one last thing “Tell Rabbit it’s okay to mourn and better days of this wound healing is coming. The process of winging it has ended, now to step into M O U R N!
I love taking photos. I'll be driving and get out just to capture a photo and use it now or later on. I can see myself in the near future purchasing a camera. But for now my iPhone will due !Most of my photography is done from my phone.
i am rebekah .
Mother. The Mind Bothering Blogger. Brand Ambassador.Host. Creator of #BloggerConfession. Margarets Granddaughter.