I just want you to know it’s okay to feel. It’s so frustrating for me to go through situations that I cannot control. I find myself wanting to have a solution to every problem. Whether it’s emotional, physical and or mentally. I must remind myself that I’m human. I’ll pose to be the strongest and not open up and allow myself to feel. It’ll seem that I want things to be perfect with no obstacles. I must admit from my experience; painful experiences suck but it helps me come to a realization in overall life. I take what has happened and growth occurs sometimes without my knowledge! From learning I come better prepared and almost ready to handle the situations presented (not just painful). One of my goals is to allow myself to feel and express my feelings whatever they might be (cry, scream, smile, and laugh).
You know how you buy your size and then you have that gap in the back of your jeans, pretty annoying. Or how you shop online and you purchase your size and have to send back because it’s not your size after all. Happens to all of us, agree? I realized depending on the jeans some days are going to be much more successful than others. I can’t recall a time where I stepped on the scale and I remained in the 130s, it’s always up and down. Even during my pregnancies it just wasn’t happening. I have always been the tiny one in height and weight out the bunch. I often hear “oh she’s so small”. I’ve been called “itty bitty”, “skin and bones”, oh and my fav that they always say “you need some food”.
By the standard definition of beauty I have absorbed from the world around me, I have three strikes against me if you let them tell it: I’m too light, not curvy enough, and I have natural hair.
Having three children, my size has attracted a lot of criticism and compliments. To say the least, thank you. This society has the nerve to make many feel as if they don’t belong if they have a certain look. Stop beating yourself up because you don’t have the breast or you don’t have the butt to fill those jeans. I was told that I was shaped like an ant and certain parts didn’t fit my body. Accept nothing that causes you to overthink or alter your mind about your appearance. I’m being seen as this woman who is happy in her skin, laughs a lot, and doesn’t care what anyone thinks about me. I love my body for all of the changes that happens (motherhood, monthly menstrual cycle, fluctuating weight) and finding its way back as if it’s never happened.
Although the jokes being made might bother or some see it not to be intended to hurt I always think why someone wants me to be a size that satisfies them. Or think that I should feel bad because I’m not bigger. Everyone doesn’t have tough skin as me; I truly understand. But start by not letting words stick. Turn the jokes into motivation and have the confidence that your body is how it’s going to be. I find myself a higher self-esteem than most. People are literally surprised when I talk about how happy I am to be this size, how I do eat and how I’m still able to shop in the children’s section with my daughters. I love everything about my body and its natural curves.
I didn't know that there was anything "wrong" with my body until someone pulled me to the side and said “Rebekah you’re too old to still be this size and not have any meat on your bones”
We all have insecurities about our bodies; I’m always talking with my bestfriend how my appetite picks up when it wants to and then how I want to utilize my gym membership. I just can’t get past the pain part of lifting so I stay far away lol. However squats are life and I do sort of commit to that ha! The plans to go to the gym doesn’t fit my schedule right now so oh well. You have to love yourself for who you are. The average woman is a size 12 to 14. I’m not going to get there, nor am I going to set a goal that I know won’t be achieved just to fit to be accepted. Nah, you gon get this body that I give and that’s that. Why doesn’t the world show that we come in many shapes and sizes?I want you to know that you are beautiful; nothing needs to be taking from anywhere. Nothing needs to be change PERIOD. I don’t beat people to their weight jokes about me, I let em’ talk because I am going to continue to prance through like I heard nothing. I don’t tolerate disrespect, wont nan feed and boost off their own egos. I can’t stop the jokes or conversations about me but I automatically think that there is insecurity from within who thinks there funny.
Weight doesn’t define me or control me. Mirror talk:I’m fine as hell and through my natural body I have found my confidence, my joy, my safe place.
Ideally, I want to see all beauties, all shapes, all sizes, all skin tones, all backgrounds accept their natural body for what it is. I can’t change what social media and society overall is putting out there but it can start with me embracing who I am and loving my body for every imperfection. I refuse to hide my legs or cover my midriff; or my arms because others want to make someone else feel uncomfortable. I want to remind the world that we are beautiful, stretch marks are kissed and no longer thinking to change to be accepted.
When you go out and walk into the world do you visibly see that people are struggling with mental health and that they are practicing Self-Care without addressing there mental health needs.
Mental Health + Self-Care should begin to tie in with one another. Mental Health + Self-Care can be a struggle. Yet as you engage in your mental state you become vulnerable in creating content to educate others; while helping yourself grow into being a doper version of you. This is your story, you can be open and honest, and no one has to accept you but you. The stigma that has been attached to mental health means nothing. I wish there was a way that I could make that stigma go away and everyone start fresh; be more transparent, educated and knowing what to do. You can still strive, live a healthy life and practice self-care as you take care of your mental health.
For once please don’t let anyone tell you you are not normal. You are doing this for you. It can be a beautiful practice and process when you are taking the right steps to benefit you.
I am authentically open and honest when telling people that I have battled with depression and anxiety. Some of our experiences in life we cannot control. And when it happens we aren’t conditioned sometimes to make that life altering change so quickly. Our reaction is different from the “If this was to happen to me” conversation. You don’t know what you would do until it’s happened or happening. Someone battling with mental health doesn’t have the boundaries to keep healthy mentally, physically and emotionally. As much as people around try to separate and divide people battling mental health; I want people to know this isn’t a 1, 2 step. This is a process, trust has to be built and we can learn to and from one another. More and more people should know what to do when you see signs instead of “oh you are alright or sleep it off”.
The way we begin our mornings sets the tone for the day.
By no means am I saying this routine is easy and smooth. Or even that it happens overnight. It takes lots of discipline, rearranging and creating a very strict schedule for you. I know when you wake up your mind gets going. My specifically, my brain is brewing with so many ideas.
I just realized in this pic I don't have my bonnet on smh ...lol Ladies protect your natural when catching some zzzzzzzz
I have never been a morning person. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t work the B or C shift lol. I get it! I’m the one who used to hit the snooze button and roll out of bed 10-15 minutes before work. Since working mornings I need to get right back into making the most time out of getting a morning routine going. The most effective thing that I do when falling out the bed, I STOP REACHING FOR MY PHONE and I keep all televisions off in the house.
I'm so excited to get back to my routine. My Sundays back in church guides me through my week being productive, going back to my notes, pushing through with my mind at ease.
These last days of being 29 have been amazing but I’m realizing as I’m looking forward to my 30s I’m putting me first, less people are around and I’m realizing things I once ignored.
I make myself available too much. I’m always the friend, who is available to call, make accommodations to travel, attending festivities, extending myself to being exhausted or end up hurt. If there is something that I can’t make it’s because I may have committed to something else and was not given enough notice. In that instance I apologize and set up a date separately to make up time. With family, I’m such a big family fanatic so I’m the one pulling up, putting what I need to do for myself to the side to enjoy. I have even pushed back events. I never want to miss anything with both family and friends. Family especially because time is needed and I want to cherish one another.
We all have bubble gum bullshit and by the end of this blog you’ll either get rid of yours or you’ll be like “ya know what my happiness and peace is not negotiable”. Gum sticks, its nasty, gooooeey and over time it gets hard. Maybe I caught your bubble gum bullshit fresh to where you can peel it right off or maybe I didn’t so grab the razor to get to scrapping.
I used to really live an unhealthy life. I mean trying to be down with the crowd, trying to accommodate everyone; I was surrounded by drama, toxic relationship, and friendships. I just really didn’t want anyone to say “I told you so” or people to go off with their own story. I did so much damage staying around the toxicity thinking I was strong and things would get better.
*My own definition* Peace- interlude between living ya best life, when peace is interrupted study what has happened and be prepared to block the next interlude
What I want you to know …….
1. Still get up as if it was a weekday.
I managed to stick to my morning routine during the weekend (routine blog will be posted soon). Journaling in the morning gets my creative juices following and I usually schedule a meeting or gig as early as 8 am. I know many take the time to relax and sleep in but my body is so programmed even if I go to bed late to WAKE UP at least by 445am. I must add that my therapeutic bed will put you to sleep without your intent on going to sleep so I work at the table now.
This morning when I got up, I read through my blog drafts. I decided to do my bathroom over and I made a list for what’s needed for my birthday trip (June 15th…don’t forget!). I do need to work more on scheduling my blogs and getting my sticky notes ready to stick on my bathroom mirror. Words of affirmation is essential to my morning routine.
One of my goals this month is to get a steady sleeping pattern, set an alarm for my naps.
2. You are where you need to be …
Don’t for a second think twice about where you are, things happen for a reason. I always remind myself where I planted my seeds, my roots are growing and dwelling will prevent me from watering what must grow. God knows exactly what he is doing in my life. You must trust and continuously pray that whatever you go through you will grow through. Pay attention to the SEASONS. You got this! You may not know the purpose now but TRUST you will understand.
I am about to entire my 30s and when I look back I don’t stay back there. I can honestly and truly take what has happened and learn from moving forward. It always fine to look back and use it as a guide, not to beat yourself up about what you can’t change.
&& I GO AT MY OWN PACE. I can’t live my life through others, I know that must feel weird and when the day ends you don’t feel like you. BE YOU!
I may repeat what you hear all the time, what you take for granted can be quickly taking away from you.
I’m also learning to be more mindful of my tongue and my mindset.
The tongue is powerful and the mindset causes action, reaction, cause and effect
3. Failing is healthy and redirection
When you fail that doesn’t mean give up, it means you must change how you are going about something. So many people will walk away once they fail but it’s only meant for you to go harder. I work for one of the top health insurance companies and during a conference it really sank in when the VP said “Failure is key”. Failure makes you stronger, more aware and brings on critical thinking. When you go back and look at the process you must be brutally honest with where you failed at. It serves as redirection. If not, you’ll keep going through the process and fail because you’re not doing anything different. EMBRACE your failure.
You run the day, don’t let it run you. Be as productive as you create your TO DO LIST. Make sure that it doesn’t just look pretty on paper. Routine brings on CONSISTENCY. A positive mindset inspires you to PURSUE YOUR DREAMS. Take everything one moment at a time. One breath at a time.
Let me be brutally honest, I made it through a tough special day. Mother’s Day! I keep snapping out of feeling sad, and not wanting to do anything. Lying in bed I keep going back to the day I lost my daughter and grandmother (two separate occasions) not being here and how things would be different if they were. It just came over me that it’s another year without the two who has had a major impact on me, my business, and the person I am today. I recently wrote a personal letter to myself that helped me find a different look during my low points. I reread my journal from when I was a little girl and before I even agreed that therapy would be best. I told myself yes its okay to cry, but I asked myself am I hurting myself being selfish by wanting them here and not giving my all as if they were here. Of course they wouldn’t want to see me down. I caught it and I continued to work on giving positive energy and creating positive vibes around.
I’m so proud of myself that I no longer work from wounds. I have to say that is a dangerous place. I gave myself time to mourn and be at a place to look and see that I need to change my outlook. My therapist and support system was a tremendous help. I realized that I was miserable, I didn’t want to hear babies cry, see a women pregnant or newborns in my sight. It made me so angry, and I wanted to isolate myself from the world. I didn’t want to hear anyone talk about the relationship they have with their grandmother. I was bitter to say the most. I read my journal from my childhood and teen years and I was appalled. I see that it got better as years went by I was greater at handling my lows.
“I’m living my best life unapologetically and I’m continuing to learn day by day and piece by peace. I block out so much to focus and I keep telling myself it’ll continue to get better. Nowadays create your own lane and stay in that lane. I feel so much better!”
Mother’s Day 2018. My babies and I had breakfast in bed; I got up and put on my favorite color. To my surprise I met someone while I was out with my bestfriend and sister the night before and visited whose BBQ ribs hit the spot. The conversation alone put me in a much better mood. And I got the push to complete my degree on the path that I am currently on. It’s always good when you listen rather than talking so much. My favorite place to walk, me and my children went and took pictures. I spent time with my mother (pictured & who I’m working on having a doper relationship with) and my Papa Bear got me the dinner I requested. Last but not least I always know when I pull up to cousin Juice house it’s going to be music, food and good laughs. Those men right there are my cousins but raised as my brothers. My day was just everything and more. I pulled myself together after the conversation in the mirror.
It’s not like I woke up and said “Today I am going to be depressed” or “Today I am not going to be depressed”. Uh no it’s never someone saying they are going to be depressed. Don’t take away from someones low points. It is a process that is different to everyone that goes through a mental health illness.
Everyone says that there week starts on Monday. Not mine! Monday I’m mentally off.
Sundays+ Mondays Self Care combine (small routine listed below).
“Mental Me Mon’Daze”. My absolute favorite day because its cucumbers over my eyes, dressed in my robe, lying in my bed ….legs crossed; Rabbits World type of day truly. I take those 24 hours to be mentally on DO NOT DISTURB and have my mini retreat day! I give myself total power on Mon’daze to stop, take a deep breath and think about my next steps. My planner gets filled and I journal if I’m in the mood. I started this maybe two months ago when I felt I just needed one day to bum it out. Every Monday I get into the mood of it being all about me and I continue to water this seed of having an undeniable interest to do what I love to do. During this day, I prove to myself that I have the experience and trust myself to feed myself more self-confidence and tell myself I do deserve everything that I put my mind to. My self-love and passion cup overflows into my week which leads to being peaceful and productive.
Self-Care Mini Routine:
“I know I can be what I wanna be. If I work hard at it I'll be where I wanna be” - Nas
No but really I mean how did I get here? How did I start taking blogging to the next level? I was hesitate to hit publish and to even continue to blog about whatever comes to mind. I was overthinking about what people would think but who cares about what the world thinks of you? Right, I have been amazed and appalled by how words travel, are twisted and how people can conclude who you are and feel they are 100% correct. SO MY VOICE OVER ALL!
What happened Rabbit? At the age of 14, it was my freshman year of high school and I experienced a tragic loss. I delivered a stillborn and many didn’t understand how life impacting and how much I had falling into a dark hole. During this time, I shut down completely; mentally I replayed the words during delivery over and over. I was supposed to be enjoying my 1st year of high school. Life changed within 3 pushes and a scream. I found myself drenching my pillow with tears and growing hatred toward life. I battled with my self-esteem, how my body was taking on changes and my dreams had all come to a complete stop. I loss Rebekah Denise! I didn’t know who I could trust and why my so called friends who had moved on to high school with me was once excited about the life growing inside of me, but now spreading rumors that I had killed my baby. I saw the world as a cruel place and it seemed a story never ending on why I was without my baby girl. I didn’t know who I could express my emotions to and was so scared that everyone would run and tell their own version. No matter how many cards, attempted phone calls, visitors, my family comfort I couldn’t imagine going on without the life I carried. I wanted a do over to be more educated, but hey we get no do overs in life
In 2014, I lost my grandmother, another tragic loss. But I went about her passing in such a different way. I accepted her no longer being here and pushed myself even more to get started on going after what she blessed and open the door for me to do. Journaling!
16 years forward ……
"Your mental health is much more important. BE AWARE. Take care of YOURSELF"
On the intake of Mental Health let’s bring on a different outlook. What a lot of people don’t realize is what is happening in our society now is being passed down to younger generations and we talk so much about making change. As a young mother, business owner and having a full time job I began to get very overwhelmed. I had a lot of high and lows that took a toll on my well-being. I was afraid to tell anyone so I made sure I smiled and felt like it would eventually go away. I was blessed to have the support system I have to know when I needed help but also to express how I was feeling because they see it without me saying. I haven’t always been open to change or open to coming up out of my silence but when I see how many people around me suffer I knew that CHANGE is key and we don’t want to wait until we have loss someone or someone hurts themselves. Your mental state is very powerful and plays a important role in what's next. We should make mental health well known and raise awareness to providing more resources for forums and safe spaces for those who are facing difficulties. Talking about mental health should not be taboo, or something you are embarrassed or ashamed of.
What can you do to improve your mental health:
1.Surround yourself with positivity
2.Take social media hiatus (time away helps the mind think straight)
3.Write in a journal your feelings, thoughts, day to day life
4.Take care of your body. Eat healthy, exercise, get plenty of sleep.
5.Avoid alcohol and drugs. It’s not recommended that you self-medicate yourself
6.Getting help is a sign of strength. Treatment is effective. If you feel you cannot manage by yourself contact CRISIS TEXT LINE. Text CONNECT to 741741.
January you have been something else. I say to myself, “WHO WOULD HAVE EVER THOUGHT?” So much happiness and positivity to share. I’m at one of the highest peaks in my life. I made the biggest decision a few months prior to entering 2018. I am FRRREEEEEEE! Shout it out. I told myself, this is the last year of my twenties and I am going to do more things outside my comfort zone. I AM GOING TO LIVE more. I’m not big on NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS though because it never worked out for me. I’m a visual person who loves to see my handwriting, so the realistic goals that I set would be to fill up my 365 Planner weekly, give myself a deadline and my mind is on “DO IT” from that day forward. I have also created a vision board that I plan to look at the end of each month. Everything that I want to do, goes hand in hand. To climb those steps to the ladder with each step, each goal checked off I tell myself “I GOT THIS!”
I’ve changed my morning routine. I already get up early for my children to get dressed, and catch the bus. Instead of going back to sleep I stay awake. I eat breakfast and I read my bible (I choose a book that I am going to study), I journal and then I pray. Last year I said I wanted to get closer to God. I want to incorporate God into being #1 in everything that I do. I have learned that procrastinating = disobedience and I needed to commit. At one point I was committed to getting ready to go turn up with my girls. So, why can’t I commit and become one with my spiritual life? It’s not going to be easy and I know that sacrifices must be made. I am willing and putting in as much work as I want God to do. My prayer has increased; I talk to God like if I am talking to my father. God has showed up and showed out in my life. I have been blessed with a stable salaried job, a new car and working on releasing a big project this year that he has giving me the confirmation to. I am praying for a continuous positive mindset even through hurdles and what I face. Get yourself a routine and work on consistently making it happen. Practice makes perfect.
“Most people who haven’t reached their potential have a long list of excuses for why they haven’t” – Jason Harvey
I’ve noticed I’ve made many of excuses on my journey. Excuses that now and going forward I’m continuing to own. Excuses always come back full circle! It’s a matter of time before you must deal with the excuses you make up again. So, is it okay to keep making excuses? Some drown themselves in excuses that they are okay being soaked in and remain at a standstill full circle. If I even think of an excuse I stop myself immediately, question myself like where am I going to end up with this? If I’m conversing with friends and they make up excuses; I immediately get in question mood. We can’t even continue the conversation if we’re going to skip over something that needs to be solved. But we can move forward if we acknowledge it, find the problem, fix it and get over it. The explanatory be excuses like “well this happened because” and “let me tell you why”. Just stop it! Three excuses that grind my gears that I just want to scream GET OVER IT and MOVE forward with life:
A good example I stepped out of my comfort zone when I became a mother, I wasn’t ready, it wasn’t planned but I had to take that leap, have faith and carry god’s blessing. My body stretched as an 8-pound human got comfortable inside of me while I was uncomfortable. The results after 9 months, I was speechless, amazed. I didn't believe that I could do it. In fact, I did it three times. If I had failed at anything during my motherhood journey I couldn't give up. I was to pick up and try again.
If you can't relate to being a parent, let's use relationships. It's common that some of us get comfortable. We don’t want to pick up and leave, start all over with the initial meeting someone else. In a past relationship I got very comfortable. Was that my intentions to be that way, uh no. We both were just comfortable, in a set routine and years invested. I’m sure we both felt “stuck”. I often told myself “this is not for me" but I didn’t act on what I knew. Here and there I challenged the relationship; my anxiety would kick in and back to square one I was. It was clear as day this wasn’t for me. I was just making baby steps to budge to get out. I can’t remember why but I just got up one day and said “the hell with this floating, we are over”. Just like that I pushed myself to even say that and leave. I know he was confused. But I was fed up and knew I deserved more, I had forgotten all about my anxiety. By the time it kicked in I was already out the house trying to recollect what I had done. This was way out of my element to just bounce up like that. We were going nowhere and being “stuck” was miserable. I had to remain strong and know that there is much more than I am settling for. Days, months went by and I had to adjust. It was not easy at all. I wanted to pick up the phone, send a text. But overall I had to think to myself; I was watching time past by with nothing to show for.
Instead of continuously being all over the place I know I needed to slow down, sit down, I needed to get to a common ground. I can admit I've been so busy and things have been so chaotic that what's in my planner is not on my site. Yes I feel so bad, But I am also excited that it has played a part in me reflecting, pushing myself to do better. I was always so hype when ideas come to mind and then I just drop the ball. I literally wrote in my notebook. Just wouldn't follow through. I'll be like "ugh I planned to do this, I planned to post this, can this wait until tomorrow?". So taking time away from the blog site was best. October 1st I wrote a blog where I thought I was ready to just jump right into things. I may have jumped right ahead of myself. I skipped, I tripped, I dropped the ball again. This thing we call life (Places hand over head). Life sure does throw curve balls and the time needed to overcome obstacles are limitless. When I first started this blog I said what I was going to do but did the bare minimum. My mind got closed I made time for everything but what I love to do. NOT ANYMORE. The blessing in recognizing there needs to CHANGE to your surrounding and yourself! In this month I said I said I was trying to avoid the entire 30 days; I can't avoid because blessings have been hitting me in my face. We have three more weeks November. With this fueling mindset, I made a list and I looked at my list like Rabbit has to get to it and I'm not going to get to it dropping a ball. Pass me the ball, it's back in my court. Y'all gon' get all this dopiness of Rabbit. As I said this month has its many blessings but I took a two huge losses on this journey. My grandmother, Margaret Sampson and my oldest daughter, MacKayla Aaliyah went to be with the Lord. With there passing I took the years to understand and accept. With death we feel there not here physically and we become selfish but when we accept that they are no longer here (save this for another blog) we're blessed to see our strength and how they have played there part in our growth. I did not accept them being gone and I stayed in this darkness when this month has arrived each year. I REFUSE to claim and speaking into existence that darkness again. There is nothing but understanding and celebrating the life of two people who mean so much to me. Look 11 days in and I've gotten this push that I know God said it's time. So "revamping" much? It all needs to be revamped and I plan to give you nothing but ALL OF THE INSPIRED HEALTHY ME. This new direction takes nothing away from me continuing to be transparent. Things are being taking away and added but WELCOME BACK. I AM BACK & I AM READY.
(Jeremiah 29:11) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future
'Wow! It's been a whole month since I have published a blog. September had to be "It All Falls Down". What's better to say then "I was away". Away because I needed a peace of mind, I needed to re-evaluate what's been going on around me and get back to this dope person that I am. I need and still need organization in my life. Bare with me because I'm getting better. Its quite often that we need to just unplug. Unplug from it all! So may titles we hold during everyday life that it can get overwhelming. I invested in some therapeutic work outs, phone being on do not disturb, listening to music and giving myself self love. It starts with "Self" for a reason. It starts with you! If you are not healthy you won't be good to yourself or anyone around you. Here we are 30 days later. I'm back and I'm better. This month has been a month, a lost friendship, closer bond with my mother, road to my masters, and adjusting to three little ones schedule. I had to place Blogger Confession on hold and neglected networking on social media. I'm happy to announce Blogger Confession started back up tonight. Ayyyyeee, you betta work Rabbit (my childhood nickname).. It's life, were human, don't beat yourself up about taking time away. Major things have happened in my life and I'm still being tested. I decided a few months ago that I was going to dedicate my life to Jesus and I was going to gain my own understanding. Yeah going against the grain; because society really has this thought of church & christianity. I'm not debating y'all just yet. Everyday I'm working on my relationship with God, it's my personal relationship, and I just be talking to him.. I was raised in church but I didn't pay attention (we'll talk in depth in another blog). Bible study and church has become a part of me. Put some respect on his name. JESUS that is. So on my journey which has been amazing I knew I would piss the devil off. I did! As quick as he's been pissed off I'm at the point where he can catch these hands because he is trying me. There's a saying "I may bend but I will not break". I'm not even try to bend. I'm keeping my head up and my chin up. I will get through and I will be telling you in another blog how God stepped up and showed out. The storm doesn't last long. Fast forward September 24, 2017 I was baptized. I came up NEW (it's a unexplainable feeling) but I know when accepting and following God we become vulnerable. It was like a domino effect that things just continue to keep pulling and tugging at me. I became this person where I WANTED TO GIVE UP but I knew I could not. It was the devil trying to interfere. Like move around and sit down somewhere because you won't win. So breather, let me step back and as much is going on I need to take it a day at a time, and handle with faith, confidence and know God will see me through. It's okay to cry, crying cleanses, I think I have used a 6 roll mini pack of toilet tissue roll. It's all good, I didn't give up and I'm keeping on on my journey. In todays service I learned "I still survived". I cried again like a baby and just let it go. Oh before I forget I will be posting notes that I take in Sunday Service (they help me throughout the week). God already knows whats next for me. I'm overjoyed that I AM BACK. I got my big girl underwear on. I'm ready to jump into blogging & speaking into existence October is going to be a BREAKTHROUGH. Welcome October, and welcome back to my supporters. I love you all.
ACTS 5:39 But if it is of God, you can not out throw it- lest you even be found to fight against God." We DO NOT WALK IN FEAR
I always make a bucket list and half way complete it, ugh. This month I'm making it my job everyday to focus on my bucket list. I have some pretty cool things. Depending on this bipolar weather I might have to put one on hold. We'll see how this goes. This shall be fun! Here's my bucket list. Feel free to share some of yours with me.
I figured I'd surprise you on your special day and write this blog. Surprise !!!!! A blog dedicated to my gorgeous mother. I want to clarify some things but also THANK YOU for life itself. Birthing a Baby Girl I know you had my life all figured out & you wanted to protect me from the war you was fighting prior to pushing and you have always wanted me to be a better "you". I'll touch on the better "you" a little bit later. I'll probably be all over the place with this letter but its so much I have to say. Bare with me and just understand for a long time I've keep this inside. First of all thank God for giving you a second chance; had things gone the other way I wouldn't know where I'd be. I learned from what had occurred. I went through middle/high school cautious and learning who was really in my corner. It takes two I know but with you I was just thinking about your Baby Girl watching you; lesson learned: watch what I do in front of my children. So If you ever blamed yourself for anything I made a decision on STOP IT. Had to be around my late 20's I realized I can't take on more than what I am responsible for, at times I was mad at you and called myself not talking to you because of how I interpreted many things going on and wanted to take on your battles myself. I learned cause and effect, and with action there is a reaction. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise--" so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth". Ephesians 6:1-3. I did not give you that chance to come and talk to me. I just took what I was feeling and went from there. Communication is key. I felt because you opened that door for me and Nana to have that mother/daughter relationship what more could I ask for. I built a wall between us. Thank you for giving me Nana. She help US. She understood the both of us and sat us both down to help us understand on another. She always told me to let you be you and you were very transparent without you knowing you were. I seen you wanted the best for me and times, most times I made it hard for you. Remember I called myself running away? That was to get your attention, maybe you'd quit your second job and maybe you be home for me to run to your bed crying, laughing, telling you about my day. As I'm older I realize you was working so hard to give me the world. In fact it has its negative and positive in my adulthood because I still look to be spoiled. Those days better continue *winks eye. The incident that occurred did nothing but hurt our relationship. For that I am truly sorry. Even the crack in the door still had me blind as you and Dad were preparing the arrival of your first grand MacKayla Aaliyah. I didn't understand the open door until I gave birth to my first living daughter, Asianna Inaz-Naomi.
This month I will be choosing 2 winners. Complete the challenge and you could win a $40 gift card to Target or a free credit consultant session with Virtuous Consulting Services LLC.. virtuouscsllc.com
I just want to go back to younger me and actually listen. Not let words go in one ear and out the other. I would actually take notes like I was in class. Why didn't I listen? My grandparents said "Your credit is your life". Sounds good to me back then & something I cherish right now going forward. Yeah I know, we all listened while growing up. I was like aight I heard no credit is good credit or you have to buy things to establish credit. It went something like that. When I hit 18, building credit manuals, a lot of credit card offers was rolling in the mail. Alright let me see, I want this credit card, I'll go with this phone company, oh I can get that in my name LETS DO IT. You mean to tell me I can pay later for things. Bet! I didn't care about a late payment as long as it's paid. I will get to it when I get to it and I'm arguing a late fee. Late fee, better be glad you got payment. It's safe to say my attitude towards my finances sucked. If I get into debt I had people who would get me out. That's where my mindset was. You know what, my parents will pay this. "Papa Bear, Mom, Nana, Papo can you pay this bill for me, I don't get paid till blah blah blah". I didn't even pay them back (they better not look at this blog and say I owe them lol). I swear I was "living the life". I had good intentions to eventually pay things back. But it was when I get around to it. Any mail coming in about debt, collections agencies, payment date I would disregard. Rip it up and throw it out. I was in college spending, spending and spending. I could have thought smarter with my refund checks I should have been paying back some of these debts I accrued. When I was about 25 I said I was going to work on my credit when I heard some people talking about repairing theres. I had written down collection agencies to call and set up payment arrangements. That didn't happen, I lost focus trying to keep up with the Jones. Who are the Jones anyway? I continued to party, shop, work, motherhood expenses, mall trips, spending my checks and my parents were spoiling me per usual. You see I had two daughter, so motherhood I was racking up on merchandise and ignoring a budget, my excuse "I had to get (*enter what I wanted for them)". Excuses! To me I was making sure my babies were all set. Every release of anything I wanted, me and mine was waiting for the UPS truck or I would go to grab em' early. Are you catching on to my level of irresponsibility? Two things I said "I'll worry about it later" and "It'll be knocked off my credit in 7 years". Mistakes. Mistakes. Mistakes. Again, what was I thinking. Adulthood was coming on strong. My rent was what some were paying for mortgage, I was negotiating my car payments with banks being scared, and I went to apply for a credit card and was denied. I caught myself frustrated not being able to get what I was going for. And guess what a bill from 7 years ago was not erased. I have to pay that back even though it didn't appear on my credit report. Think again sweeties. The karma of playing around with your credit. CREDIT: I NEED IT! When is the first time you looked at your credit or thought to sit down with a credit consultant? I was 28/29 years old. I was so scared to look at my score. I was embarrassed because I know the horrible financial life I once lived had came back to get me. Scrolling through my credit it was showing up and I was like "Rebekah really" "This is less than "$300". I could have paid that instead of ignoring. I was embarrassed for myself. I followed up from a credit consultant seminar I attended with two accredited credit consultants. I sat down with the founder of the company; she was silent going over the documentation she requested, slowly reading between the lines. She did not miss a letter printed on the paper. I was in Panera Bread looking as if I was in shock, life flashing before me. Her highlighter was just highlighting .....I thought for a minute I was invisible. "Not bad but could be better, what are your long term goals". When she asked me that I thought of my children, where I wanted to be within my business and what my idea work day of staying at home in my office could be. I wanted to know where do I begin? Do I start calling these collection agencies? Do I have to come up with the money upfront? NO. It is a process to fix your credit. I wish I would have protected my credit *crying face but hard work pays off. I get overwhelmed at times with the sacrifices. My biggest lesson is say "NO NO NO"! Its ME or nothing at all. I think what I need over what I want (key point). I am seeing as my credit score goes up I am securing FUTURES. I get thirsty to learn, consistently asking questions. And the best thing about this journey the credit consultant is always available. I love it! I don't have many points to go to hang with the 700 club (pushing to get there by August/September). I WILL BE A STRONGER BUSINESS OWNER & 1st time HOMEBUYER. Mark my words. SELF DISCIPLINE. FOCUS. I'm stingy with my money. I can't do what everyone is doing. Every penny matters. CREDIT: I NEED IT! I'm learning backwards but moving forward. I should have listened and learned in my young adulthood. It's never too late to learn and start healthy financial living. I'm learning to properly handle my finances. So did you think I was going to spill all the steps to cleaning up your credit? Uh no. Not until I feature the credit business will I spill some tips and there slideshow. You want to fix your credit? Learn the fundamentals of healthy living? Do you want genuine support and honesty? Request Virtuous Consultant Services LLC on Facebook and Instagram..
"If you want to live a life you never lived, you need to do things you've never done." I can't remember who said this but this is so true. Who would have thought. I chose to tell my story the best way I knew how. WRITING! When I attended college I wanted to be a doctor; I wanted to be a architect, I changed my major so many times. If they gave the option to chose have a bachelors in Blogging. Count me in! I never doubted what I could do. Every time I put my mind to something, I'm checking off my list, Your greatness ; your journey of having a awesome life. Love what you do and have some fun. My inspiration for becoming a lifestyle blogger is when I was 7 years old my grandmother, the late Margaret Ann Sampson handed me a notebook and told me write down everything. S/O to my nana, my mum ! She made out to be the blogger/empower coach that I am today. I feel like I'm in a field where I am making a difference and I am changing mindsets and inspiring those who have yet to speak out.
What is Self Love ? My happiness. My well-being . If I did not have self love the internet would have broken me down years ago. The internet, social media is the truth right? If it doesn't hit the internet, social media it doesn't happen. I mean am I right or am I wrong? The internet, social media can be the platform in which you empower or you hide behind a computer and try to defame people's character. I've thought long and hard about giving this attention. And I'm fed up with the negativity of ones mind and hatred in heart. I wonder why others worry about what's going on in someone else's life. I'll drive myself crazy wondering. What I can tell you; I have
dealt with things being out there about me, group chats, discussions, on the internet. I grew thick skin to ignore and block it out. Easier said then done (I know) but I can not argue with artificial. Has to be fake because I don't know who or what it is. One important part about Self Love is taking care of yourself. Your mind, body and soul. Drink water, look in the mirror on a daily, and be you. It feels good to be you regardless of what someone has to say. But loving yourself is a self maintenance routine. So what someone laughs at someone else shortcomings, hurt, pain, or make fake pages to “expose” someone. What does that say about that person? Better yet how about you put yourself in that persons shoes? Don't like it? Or it never happened to you? Do you know that person better than they know themselves? ANSWER ME. Many incidents where people are depressed and/or having suicidal thoughts can be prevented. They want to be accepted by people who don't even accept themselves.I get it It's mind bothering to not know personally why someone takes the time out there day to come for you. To want others to view you as what they have heard about you or for the reasons they have come to not like you. WHO CARES ABOUT SOMEONE WHO FOCUSES ON SOMEONE ELSE AND NOT FOCUSED ON THEMSELVES? So what has become my best approach: SILENCE. Huh what you say I can't hear you? What you bring water to grows. What you feed into changes the mindset. Self Love, how do you feel about yourself? What makes you the person you are? I look in the mirror and I fix my bundles, hunny child my 1st time installing and they are so soft. Big shoutout to my lace closure. I throw on my high waist jeans and crop top shirt. I tell myself "Girl you looking good". "She's ugly, she shouldn't have big chopped, she's skinny, or she's doing this or that". Blah Blah Blah. I've heard it all. I AM ME, I AM REBEKAH DENISE. I careless about a opinion. I don't need the outside voices to validate or confirm anything. I've been called a name that they think defines me. That's how they feel. Tap into your Self Love. Everyone sins different from me so you judge. Or you don't like something about me so you run with it. What don't you like about yourself? I'm a punk because I don't respond. No, its not worth it to go back and forth with another human who has the same 24 hours in a day that I have. I am not here to hate, I love. It used to get under my skin that I couldn't figure out for the life of me what was the problem that others had with me. Kill with kindness, I smile, I laugh, I focus on me, myself and I. Shake off that spirit of anger because one has negative feelings. OH WELL! Some just aren't brave enough to come to you and meet you. You can't help and you can't address another negativity. So what do you do? Block EVERYTHING negative that comes your way ! I don't care if its someone you've been friends with since diapers, or a close family member. You might have to block the dog from barking. You don't need any negativity. You don't need to second guess what you are made up of. Words that don't define you you can't let them stick. Just like leaves that fall off a tree and blow away. You let the words or actions of others blow away. You've come a long way not to entertain what hides behind hatred. With Self Love you have a consistent desire to grow and to complete levels on my journey. Its almost like Sonic the Hedgehog and Spiro the Dragon, play your hardest to get to the next level. You should never argue with the devils advocate, tuuhhh all this love I have for myself I pour into others. Knock out negativity with success. Look in the mirror and tell yourself YOU ARE BETTER THAN WHO TRIES TO KEEP YOU WHERE YOU AT A STANDSTILL. Practice Self Love. Protect your Peace. Protect your Energy.
I get tired of hearing the way I should live my life because I grew up in a religious house and my father is now a minister. It's like being judged without having a voice.
Now let me speak!
BACK THEN: Many can agree that we were "forced" to go to church on Sundays. We didn't set a alarm, our parents or grandparents were the alarm. I didn't understand why I was listening to someone who didn't go to college for this job. Why someone was kneeling down at the altar and crying. Some were clapping, some were reading a thick book and some were staring as others were walking in. My grandmother practiced Christianity everyday, never did I see her out of her norm. No breaks! She even brought it to work knowing that some didn't practice the same religion. She didn't care. I took a understanding class "catechism", remembered the books of the bible, went on trips with the youth groups. It was coo to me. I listened to my grandmother introduce living right as a way of life and I didn't have a choice. Saying no in the morning would be being deviant. I would never. I attended until I got to be around 14 years old and judgment was passed, it definitely pushed me away. I was hurt, I felt the word that was being taught 'God said come as you are" was not demonstrated when I walked in carrying a life inside of me. I heard with my own ears when the youth gathered one Friday night, the leader said "Let's talk tonight about preventing the acts of sex and experiencing a hard life because of your decisions". WOW! I gave church a chance regardless of the many voices against. My grandmother continuously told me "God died for all of us", It seemed everything negative they were saying became true in my eyes. Sunday mornings I felt a stomach ache coming on, I tried to be at a relatives house. I was just not going but found myself praying when things go to tuff in my journey. It took me 9 years to open my mouth about why I turned against going to church. It was until the passing of my grandmother I showed my face. Even with showing my face I felt the hurt, anger and my guard was up. I turned to my father who is a minister to open my heart and eyes and build my relationship with God and the congregation that comes together; we sin differently.
I had so much fun doing June challenge. I'm still stuck on my #TwentyFineSweet birthday festivities. It was so dope. I learned I have to really pay attention and be consistent with you all. So Hello July! I'll be practicing consistency once again. Practice makes perfect! I'm determined to complete the 31 Day Challenge. Even post more to my blog. Okay let me admit something, I write my blogs out and it sometimes doesn't make it to my site. Horrible I know but what did I say? Practice makes perfect and I'm going to get it.
So let's jump right into it. You can follow me on IG: www.instagram.com/Rebekah.Denise__ , remember to hashtag #BlogYourMindJulyChallenge. There will be a chance to win a $25 gift card and or a free credit consultation.
Life becomes a masterpiece when you become able to MASTER PIECE <3
I often ask that you take a selfie and people wonder why. I love selfies because I see me for who I am. A selfie pushes you to continue to look at you and work on you. Notice its about BEING YOU. So my Selfie Game is strong and I'm going to get you to take as many selfies as you desire. Your are beautiful inside and out. And what God has for you will be for you. Let the #SelfieGame begin .....
I love taking photos. I'll be driving and get out just to capture a photo and use it now or later on. I can see myself in the near future purchasing a camera. But for now my iPhone will due !Most of my photography is done from my phone.
i am rebekah .
Mother. The Mind Bothering Blogger. Brand Ambassador.Host. Creator of #BloggerConfession. Margarets Granddaughter.