Church Vibe : Pushed Away


I get tired of hearing the way I should live my life because I grew up in a religious house and my father is now a minister. It's like being judged without having a voice. 

Now let me speak!

BACK THEN: Many can agree that we were "forced" to go to church on Sundays. We didn't set a alarm, our parents or grandparents were the alarm. I didn't understand why I was listening to someone who didn't go to college for this job. Why someone was kneeling down at the altar and crying. Some were clapping, some were reading a thick book and some were staring as others were walking in. My grandmother practiced Christianity everyday, never did I see her out of her norm. No breaks! She even brought it to work knowing that some didn't practice the same religion. She didn't care. I took a understanding class "catechism", remembered the books of the bible, went on trips with the youth groups. It was coo to me. I listened to my grandmother introduce living right as a way of life and I didn't have a choice. Saying no in the morning would be being deviant. I would never. I attended until I got to be around 14 years old and judgment was passed, it definitely pushed me away. I was hurt, I felt the word that was being taught 'God said come as you are" was not demonstrated when I walked in carrying a life inside of me. I heard with my own ears when the youth gathered one Friday night, the leader said "Let's talk tonight about preventing the acts of sex and experiencing a hard life because of your decisions". WOW! I gave church a chance regardless of the many voices against. My grandmother continuously told me "God died for all of us",  It seemed everything negative they were saying became true in my eyes. Sunday mornings I felt a stomach ache coming on, I tried to be at a relatives house. I was just not going but found myself praying when things go to tuff in my journey. It took me 9 years to  open my mouth about why I turned against going to church. It was until the passing of my grandmother I showed my face. Even with showing my face I felt the hurt, anger and my guard was up. I turned to my father who is a minister to open my heart and eyes and build my relationship with God and the congregation that comes together; we sin differently.