I get nervous with the thought of loving again. I’m nervous of course because I ask myself:
What am I supposed to do after saying I love you?
Is this supposed to be acted on quickly?
Am I going to get the same results?
This is a journey I prayed for repeatedly; well of course, if you ask you better be ready to receive. I embarked on regaining with patience and understanding. Love is not an emotion, love is a decision, a promise and in its own category – and commitment if you want to be technical.
Sometimes doubt kicks in I sometimes worry about the possibility of failure from the past that has loving myself and loving my significant other like a tug of war, but I know whatever comes next, I am sure that I can handle …be it communication, new milestones, new adventures or even better taking those vows. Getting out of my comfort zone and head IS A MUST. Most of all I must admit I am nervous about losing it after all this hard work pouring into my love cup; it’s full again.
In this little two-month social media hiatus handling my mental approach, expression and not being on the fence about an opportunity or chance at showing affection has shocked me. It has been an incredible feeling- I'm blushing, I'm cheesing! I came back to writing everything down, realizing change is for the better, and sharing practice of listening rather than speaking, time handling – can’t put a rush on what you want to last, this is no race – while you read this you may want to take notes. I came to quickly realize how amazing time alone, focus with minimum distraction and consistency can bring fruitful healthy beginnings. It muster up thinking of what you can do to consume your time when you have nothing to scroll. I can use that time spending time, planning trips, Netflix and chill, cuddled reading a book, cute outings and thoughtful gifts – make someone feel how I want to feel.
You make time for who you are and with that comes the type of fear everyone suffers from. What is next and what do I do when I found the love that I once lost?
Every ounce of love that I have regained right now, is confirmation that I have earned but would not have without drilling consistency inside my head and looking at the vision ahead. I took this dive to do something that I genuinely wanted for myself, and although curve balls are thrown my way, I have a positive response: I continue to keep fighting.
NEVER TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU might not be good enough and that YOU do not deserve to have the love YOU desire. I would rather choose to be persistent and enjoy what I have wanted for so long. To finally have a decision, act on it and stay consistent while giving – good job Rabbit.
This post is for me as well as my readers... to remind myself to keep this big bright smile; to remind myself of why I began this journey to regain love. I don’t have to be jealous, insecure, resentful or take revenge from what has happened. I’m moving forward. My anxiety kicks in from time to time; I am far from what I am familiar with and brand new to this, and sometimes that can be scary... but the terrifying thing in life is giving up when you honestly have a chance to fight through ...I will not give up and remind myself consistency will get you everything.