Margaret's Daughter

margaretsdaughter2.jpg
 

I figured I'd surprise you on your special day and write this blog. Surprise !!!!! A blog dedicated to my gorgeous mother. I want to clarify some things but also THANK YOU for life itself. Birthing a Baby Girl I know you had my life all figured out & you wanted to protect me from the war you was fighting prior to pushing and you have always wanted me to be a better "you". I'll touch on the better "you" a little bit later. I'll probably be all over the place with this letter but its so much I have to say. Bare with me and just understand for a long time I've keep this inside. First of all thank God for giving you a second chance; had things gone the other way I wouldn't know where I'd be. I learned from what had occurred. I went through middle/high school cautious and learning who was really in my corner. It takes two I know but with you I was just thinking about your Baby Girl watching you; lesson learned: watch what I do in front of my children. So If you ever blamed yourself for anything I made a decision on STOP IT. Had to be around my late 20's I realized I can't take on more than what I am responsible for, at times I was mad at you and called myself not talking to you because of how I interpreted many things going on and wanted to take on your battles myself. I learned cause and effect, and with action there is a reaction. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise--" so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth". Ephesians 6:1-3. I did not give you that chance to come and talk to me. I just took what I was feeling and went from there. Communication is key. I felt because you opened that door for me and Nana to have that mother/daughter relationship what more could I ask for. I built a wall between us. Thank you for giving me Nana. She help US. She understood the both of us and sat us both down to help us understand on another. She always told me to let you be you and you were very transparent without you knowing you were. I seen you wanted the best for me and times, most times I made it hard for you. Remember I called myself running away? That was to get your attention, maybe you'd quit your second job and maybe you be home for me to run to your bed crying, laughing, telling you about my day. As I'm older I realize you was working so hard to give me the world. In fact it has its negative and positive in my adulthood because I still look to be spoiled. Those days better continue *winks eye. The incident that occurred did nothing but hurt our relationship. For that I am truly sorry. Even the crack in the door still had me blind as you and Dad were preparing the arrival of your first grand MacKayla Aaliyah. I didn't understand the open door until I gave birth to my first living daughter, Asianna Inaz-Naomi. 

I'm pretty sure you know but just in case you didn't know I watched your every move and I caught on, learned very quickly. Sometimes I used to sit on the top of the steps on Rosewood, sit by your room door on Bedford, or on the steps going down to my room with Lizzy. I still can't stand that cat but wonder where she is. And mom you owe me another Spaider please and thank you. Your best keep secret I held it in. Everyone looked out for me and you; they didn't care the TRUTH Til this day that TRUTH doesn't matter to me.. Family lies, family ties that blood doesn't make anyone any less of family. Thank you for wanting/giving me the best life, for holding your ground. You gave my father, my bestfriend his 1st born stubborn, hard headed spoil rotten brat. You helped build a foundation that can not be altered and or broken. I learned the true definition of FAMILY. I learned keep my eyes opened and watch the closest to me & never put anything past anyone. I never judged you, never felt you owed me a explanation. I watched and I learned the DO's and DONT's. You served as my personal guide to LIFE. Your tough love was one hell of a drug! It stood out most when I was in the delivery room. I didn't ask majority of my questions because I didn't think you was ready for that BUT was I ready for my curiosity that BOOM I was to be a mother in 9 months. Question: Was it you or me on the table? Who had to push? Lol. You watched me become a mother as we locked eyes when I was on your chest after hours of labor with me, You blossomed once you watched me plant my first seed. None of this was your fault at all. You did a amazing job preparing me and being my children's Mema. I don't regret anything that you have sacrificed because I now understand. 

Let's touch right quick on you wanting me to be a better "you". Impossible. You're you and I am me. You helped mold me into who I am today; had I been you I would be trapped. I would have to relive everything from when you were a little girl. Do you want that? I am competing with who I see in the mirror. I am becoming a better me by the day with you and the village as a reference guide. I am Rebekah Denise. I am proud of you, proud of your outline, most importantly proud that you can look at your past and grow. Thank you for the dope childhood, teenage years, and adulthood. I pray that God continues to strengthen our relationship. I love you mom. Happy 51st Birthday!

 
Rebekah Boykins